This morning God spoke to me and it’s been a long time coming. Waking from my stupor, it dawned on me that I could still realize my dreams. In this past year, I have watched God prove himself to me time and again. I’d grown accustomed to drowning in my guilt. Believing within myself that I was undeserving of answered prayers. But then I realized that Guilt is not of God. Perhaps instead of letting the Devil convince me I couldn’t change, I should instead be giving God praise for his everlasting mercy and grace. And as reticent as I’ve been, I’ve found more opportunities to utter the Lord’s praises from these lips.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord. Thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
I’ve often marveled at how God could so easily forgive us our sins at times when it seems we are so steeped in evil. My place is not to question the how’s or the why’s. It is simply to believe it when he says your sins have been forgiven.
I’m off to zumba to my hearts content. I’m always awkward about going to the gym though. sometimes I feel like it’s a fashion show. I mean who has time to impress folks when you’re sweating puddles?
It’s time I stopped writing about it and started being about it. My appointment with Broward College is Next Thursday. Pray for me!
Things aren’t currently as great as they were. However, this isn’t a precursor to depression. I”m just left in current state of confusion. The devil has a way of trying to trip you up when you work so hard on exercising your faith. I feel like the current curveballs are just a test of my true mettle. However, I will not falter. or at least I’ll try not to. I won’t go into just how grave our situation is because there’s a part of me that’s embarassed by it. I am the kind of person who doesn’t’ really like to discuss my financial pitfalls because I was reared in a society in which your true worth is based upon your credit score and financial status. It’s depressing when you think of it in wordly terms. So the challenge at hand is to face it on Godly Terms. What would Jesus Do? Matthew 21:18 – 22
“In my twenty-seventh year, while riding the metro in Leningrad (now St. Petersburg) I was overcome with a despair so great that life seemed to stop at once, preempting the future entirely, let alone any meaning. Suddenly, all by itself, a phrase appeared: Without God life makes no sense. Repeating it in astonishment, I rode the phrase up like a moving staircase, got out of the metro and walked into God’s light.”
Warren, Rick (2008-09-02). The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? (p. 21). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.
Have you ever come to the disheartening realization that your life is nothing but a series of routines? Each day you get up and you do the same thing you did the day before monotonously without thought to spiritual objectives. It’s what living in a void is like. And for most of us this is a fact albeit one some will deny to their graves. However it’s a fact that we are all searching for something to fill that void. And often times when looking in the wrong places, we are filled with a sense of despair as described by Russian Novelist Andrei Britov in the blurb above.
We feel as if we’re going through the motions with no end in sight. No purpose in sight hence, the coined phrase “what is the meaning of life?”
I don’t know about you but I’ve felt like that for a good part of my existence. It had me figuratively dragging my feet. It’s depressing when you wake up each day feeling as if your life was going no where fast. You don’t usually have to be a statistic to feel this way. You don’t have be one of those people who need drugs to get up and need drugs to go to bed. You don’t have to be Whitney or Michael or some insanely rich billionaire with trust issues. You can be a regular schmoe like me. Someone who might not have gone through as many misfortunes but is sentient enough to be affected by their own mundane existence. That is darkness. That is living ones life in obscurity.
But all that changed one day for me. Like Saul on the road to Damascus, the scales fell from my eyes and Immediately I could see. There is a huge difference living in God’s light. Your perspective changes. Colors become more vivid and smells are sharper. You see everything around you from a different point of view and in so doing your interaction with others changes. Where you were once a misanthrope you are now a humanitarian. I could see all the possibilities for my life. I could see the many ways my life could change and I was encouraged. God encouraged me in so many ways that I am forever grateful for the things he has done. No amount of pill-popping, drinking, clubbing or debauchery could ever replace that feeling.
So now for the first time in my life, I can say that I am truly Blessed. Why, because now I know that there is a God I can turn to in my darkest hour. Even when my life seems off-kilter, I know that I can look to God to steer me in the direction of my Purpose. I can see a life of purpose and self-sacrifice in my future. What can you see in yours?
I was reading 1 Corinthians Chapter 15 and In the first few verses I believe Paul depicted his faith and belief in the death and resurrection of Christ. Also corroborating this fact with the sightings as told to him by his predecessors and based also upon his own witness of Christ (on the road to Damascus to persecute the believers). He states in the first few chapters that those who had seen Christ rise from the dead were still also among the living. He goes on to discuss the growing unrest and disbelief amongst the believers of Christ who were under the impression resurrection was impossible. In his rebuttal, he applies logic. Our faith would indeed be in vain if we did not believe in the Resurrection of Christ. For if we do not believe in Christ’s Resurrection, how can we believe in having Everlasting Life? Wouldn’t our Salvation be in vain? That being said, Paul states “For to your shame I say that some of you don’t know God at all”. I believe that he pointedly makes this statement for clarification that if you believe that resurrection is impossible while calling yourself a Believer, then you do not know Christ at all. That would be oxymoronic.
in verse 33 Paul goes on to state:
“Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.”
Do not give credence to common misnomers and clichés like: “let’s party like it’s 1999” or as Jaysean would put it “Part Like it’s 2012”. Because even when the World Ends verses 51 and 52 state:
But let me reveal to you a wonderful secret. We will not all die, but we will all be transformed! 52 It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds, those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed.
tears are the pop off valves of the soul.
when the pressures of life weigh heavy upon us
sometimes it’s alright to shed a tear
because those tears relieve pressure
it’s alright to cry
but don’t cry as if you have no hope
but cry with a degree of certainty
that one day Jesus is able to wipe all tears from our eyes
Our loss is heavens gain
– Pastor Arthur Jakcson
I woke up this morning and I read some scripture and read my bible plans. I read from this book also. The book is called “The Purpose Driven Life”. But I topped it all off with an argument via text with Terique. He broached a valid point to me and rather than admit he was right I chose to argue. I mean I did see holes in his theory but that was the wrong time to broach that. So I fought him tooth and nail until I finally realized I was back in that Rut again. I have a problem with being wrong. Better yet I have a problem with always being wrong. over and over again. I’d like to know there’s something in my life I’m doing right. No pats on the back needed. Just an idea that I’m not wasting my life. I guess that’s what The Purpose Driven Life is about. Knowing God’s Plan for you. Haven’t read a full chapter yet but in evaluating myself. I’ve realized that I’m a walking disaster. Ground Zero has nothing on me.
My only confidante at times. My “Sheba”!
He is becoming unraveled. I’m starting to think that what he doesn’t need is a girlfriend. What he does need is professional help (or an exorcist). There was a point in my life when I couldn’t live without him. But now I don’t know. I was ready to leave again last night. Lately I’ve been thinking that I’m not quite cut out for relationships or marriage. He once represented my picket fence dream. But now he represents a life in bondage. A simple gesture might set him off. What happens then? will he kill me?