After centuries upon centuries of dissecting the male brain one determines there are no areas of grey. The average human male only sees black or white (unless of course he’s a politician). This is where the sexes differ. Women are emotional creatures who therefore operate on that very basis. Men are…. well for lack of a better term….. uni-cellular in their way of thinking. They believe if you slap a Band-Aid on it pre-Neosporin, the cut is healed. But there is so much that lies beneath the surface bubbling and broiling. You can’t really throw a blanket over it and pretend it’s not there.
My boyfriend (soon-to-be ex) decided he was going to patch up a friendship gone wrong between 2 females. I guess he thought that if he had the women come together to talk that things would work themselves out. I guess his ultimate goal was for them to apologize to each other and that’d be that. But there’s no accounting for hurt feelings and damaged ego.. Simple “I’m sorries” just ain’t gonna cut it. That’s my problem with him. He thinks lip service will do the trick. Doing and saying are vastly two different entities altogether. Him saying “I’m sorry” and doing the opposite doesn’t exactly speed the healing process. You think because you made your side chick apologize to me that I’ll settle down and accept her in your life? really?
5 Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord.
6 For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited.
7 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.
Trusting God is a trait that I need to nurture. More so than relying on my logic. I know he works in mysterious ways. I know because I have experienced it. But often times I am weak and default to logic. I must live spiritually.
I wonder if I alienate people. Even family
Literally yelling at my phone the way we yell at white women in horror movies. “Why Don’t you get it!?” Dayum Gina!? We gotta explain everything!? We can’t just be proud of our own!? It’s a crime now? Loving While Black?
I don’t even know why I let myself get caught up with internet trolls. I just had a debate with a half black half Latino guy about police brutality in America. And I’m upset because he dismissed my feelings on the subject. He basically said the black community was imagining shit. But the gag is…..
Is this shit imaginary!?
At church this Sunday trying to figure out how I can get closer to God. How I can pass his blessings on to others. I am by far not the most innocent person in the earth but I’m trying. Just that some days my strongholds get the best of me. Just trying to figure it out as I go.
So I checked out this new (new to me)nail place today. The entire time I’m clenching my butt coz I know that bill’s gonna come and it’s gonna be this exorbitant amount of Guap. I get there for my 5:00 pm and they treated me so nicely. Offered me wine, champagne or any non-alcoholic beverage of my choice. I’d tell you I was in seventh heaven but that’d be a lie. I couldn’t unclench my ass for fear of the price which no one mentions and for which I think it’d be in poor taste to ask. So I check their site online. Yet Again, no mention of pricing. Then I Foursquare em in a fit of social media whoring. Still no damn price. I literally held my cheeks together right up to the moment I walk up to the register and the cashier says “that’ll be 67 dollars”. Needless to say I’ve found my new nail salon. For 67$ this man (my nail tech) gave me new feet and new hands with a side of sprite.
Last week was my first time fishing. I’m so amped up about it even though I blew chunks all over the deck… well maybe not chunks. But I was sick. We went out on a charter boat at night and didn’t account for the weather. It was extremely choppy that night. I even got hit in the face with a wave. But now I’m even more determined to continue fishing until I gain my sea legs.
I’ve grown old in my fuddy-duddy ways. I spend most of my days working and the remainder, provoking white nationalists and extreme liberals (ANTIFA?)to anger. Yes I have evolved (or devolved maybe) into a URL badman. A couch gangster if you will. In this day and age, people can be so uptight. They opine on everything. Except it’s not so much opining as it is ; forcing their shit down your throat. Wow I just managed to work myself into a tizzy. Good night hooligans!!
Confusion is the name of the game