From a personal perspective, one sometimes grows weary trying to make things happen. I’ve been presented with certain opportunities that would allow my organization to grow positively. But knowing what I know about the members therein, I lack the confidence to continue on. Knowing that one has children who can at times be so petty as to waste their long distance minutes discussing propaganda can be quite problematic and tends to leave one in a state of confusion. How does one proceed forward? asks the control freak. You simply have to operate on the preface of blind faith; which seems easy enough to do when it’s your first stab at leadership. But when it’s your second and you’ve seen this shyt happen more often than not, what is your next alternative? Throw in the towel? Give up the chase and go it alone? How do you weed out the naysayers who can’t simply be honest enough to say “Meesh, I’m not feeling our current situation and would like to leave”? Nothing is ever that easy.
I’ll admit there are some days that I feel so out of touch with my kids. Like I don’t understand them, and it bothers me. Some are just spoiled and others just dance to the beat of their own drum. I guess it bothers me even more if things are done in a manner that is sneaky and offensive to me. I mean if you are an individual with the best of intentions. What is the point of going about things in a way that’s (to the naked eye) underhanded. I try to give everybody the benefit of the doubt and often times when they do things that seem blatantly disrespectful I’ll even try to see things from their perspective. But when it’s done in such a manner as to block me out, I guess it’s unnerving. Don’t get me wrong it’s not one of those “outside looking in high school” situations. It’s the feeling you get when you’re trying to have like that “Mother- Daughter” relationship or “Father –Son” relationship with your child and they just choose to push you away. Then again maybe I’m taking this whole house parent thing too seriously, and sometimes I wonder if I should just let everybody run wild and do as they please. Sometimes I just wonder if I should just do away with the whole mission statement and spending time money effort and resources to achieve the goals of the collective (seemingly). Who said inter-house bonds were supposed to be loose-knit? if anything I thought that being a house parent meant being able to pick up where (often times) the biological parents fall off. Will I be deemed a loser for actually giving a shyt about these kids and the decisions they make? Granted some of them are of age and I can’t tell them what to do because by right it’s not my responsibility. However if they can’t go to their own biological family and they can’t come to me? Then who can they go to?