6 degrees of dyke drama

There arises this insurmountable urge to shut the lesbian world and it’s 6 degrees of dyke drama out.   On this edition of Lunar Lunacy;  Aquafina issued an apology for how she treated me during our relationship.   So did CH.   Supposedly she felt bad for being dishonest when all I asked of her was honesty.  But it was a little hard to swallow considering she’s been concocting stories about me and relaying them to random individuals.  None of whom are interconnected.   She sent me a text this morning saying  “Man you a cold peace of work its kewl don’t worrie bout me blowin up  ur phone or beggin you as you put it.”  She’s half right.  I am cold.  I can’t really feel any emotion towards her at this point considering she’d been sleeping with her ex and came back from the night club with a hickey from a random stranger.  As of late i’ve also been informed she was stalking her other ex while with me.   I guess I can’t really bring myself to feel the least bit of regret for merely stating the fact that she was begging me or blowing up my phone.  

Insecurity in a relationship

Lying, cheating women tend to use insecurity as a crutch in
relationships. How?   First one must ask; how many times has my girl
done some significantly shady shit and when approached responded, ”
You’re so insecure.”? Where do we draw the fine line between
identifying insecurity and identifying  intuition?

Ha I’m such a geek!! I’m learning how to use UNIX scripts to automate my
blog posts via email. I truly have no life.

the ch chronicles

this shitload of confusion between myself and ch is neverending. the
dynamic thus far is bittersweet. she stalked me for a new york minute
and I let her back into my life as just a friend or so I thought. we’d
previously come to an amicable agreement of friendship which turns out
to be not-so-amicable. last night she asked if I’d be her girl again.
[INSERT GAS FACE HERE]

Just the little things

dsc_0083

This pretty picture is my ¾ eaten lunch. Soup of the day was Red Peas soup. Sorry I demolished it before even thinking about taking a photo

Now to most of you non-west Indian individuals this might look a little gross. But shyt to me it’s a likkle piece a yaaad.

I was thinking about that as I was eating it and It made me think about just the little shyt I tend to take for granted. Picture life in a world with no Red Peas Soup. So the thought of the day like the soup of the day is:

Cherish what you got coz tomorrow it might be gone.

show-offs

color me amused when the asshole in the 7 series bmw gets caught ”
flexin by the highway pigs

Still trying to catch my second wind

Dear Diary,

I’m not sure what my Job Security is like here. Everything just seems
so dismal and I’m in a position that presents a challenge, I’d say it’s
the biggest professional challenge I’ve ever had to face. Should
things not pan out the way I plan, I don’t really think I’ll  have a plan
B. Everyone I know is going through tough times. The “haves” worry
about losing and the “have nots”  worry about finding (which in today’s
harsh reality is least likely). I’ve been like this since the
beginning of the year and at some point, I’d made the decision not to let
things bother me.  But as the days progress I find myself just operating
in the capacity of a robot. I could use a serious break even if it
doesn’t seem like it. On the upside an old crush re-emerged. She’s
kinda quirky and I like that about her. She’s so carefree and it’s as
if she has not a care in the world. I can’t say that I blame her, because
at this point she’s already worked to attain so much and It’s quite
impressive. She’s a far cry from the sub-par females I’ve subjected
myself to lately. Classy chick, London-born with 2 degrees under he
belt. I’m not a gold-digger but it feels nice to run into someone who
has their shit together. It’s inspiring to say the least.

Unusual Shit…

Last night I had this dream. I saw a navy blue Nissan Altima 2008 parked outside my house. The back door was caved in along with the compartment that houses the gas tank. The car literally looked as if it had been hit with an IED in Iraq. So this morning, I get up and head to work. On my way I run into traffic due to an accident. As I’m driving past the scene I look up at the vehicle on the truck to notice it’s the car in my dream.

Post via email

trying my luck on wordpress.org.  I’ve been up all night trying to get this damned email posting thingamajiggy to work. to no avail.  any help would be appreciated.

Sifting through the Wreckage

I found survivors.   CH and I are back on speaking terms.  We agreed to be friends.  I spent perhaps the last 2 or 3 weeks ignoring her phone calls, instant messages and text.   I think I really needed that time to clear my mind.   Yesterday I sent her a text.  Small talk ensues then she tells me she really needs to talk.   So I called her.   I talked more than she did as usual.   I’m not sure why I’d expected anything to change.  But she talks about how I shut her out and blah blah blah.   I go on to remind her of my attempts to open up to her and tell her exactly what was going on in my head.   Oh did I tell you,  she asked to really talk to me like 3 weeks back and then interrupts the conversation to ask some bird to dance. She got off the phone with me to dance.  Granted she was at a party and that wasn’t the most opportune time to have the “Big” talk but she wanted it that way.  That was the first time I divulged exactly how I was feeling.  The second time around I send her a 4 page letter via text and she replies “IDK 4RL”.   I just plain gave up after that and didn’t speak to her for 3 weeks.  

And for 3 weeks she’s been calling the house phone, the cell phone,  stalking me online and sending me text messages.   

 

So on lets say umm Saturday I finally text her which brings us to our present situation.  She starts talking about how she was so open on me.  How she opened up her heart to me even though she was scared and how I just disappointed her.     I asked her if that was the case then why in the final 2 weeks of our relationSHIT was she being distant.   She claims she was too busy.   I told her to call me when she wanted to keep it real. 

 

So she sends me a text and she says she closed herself off to me because things were getting a little too intense.  She says she was feeling way too strongly about me and just didn’t know how to handle that so she pushed me away.   ehh, it’s not quite what I expected but shyt it’s a far cry from ‘IDK 4 REAL’ .

 

Shyt that’s all I needed her to say.   I don’t expect us to have what we had in the beginning.  But I at least wanted us to be friends.   So I told her that I don’t really know if we’ll be an “us” again but that I do want her back in my life as a friend and ultimately she agreed.  

Synopsis:

I’m just not ready to open up and be in a relationship especially one that has all the odds stacked against us.