Dear Jane, It’s not you. It’s me.

You know I’m never calling you again right?   It’s not because I don’t love you. Because I do.   I love you enough to keep you away from me because I know that you deserve better than what I can offer you.   I’d hate to hold you hostage while I made up my mind to be consistent and be all that you needed and deserved in a woman.  My life has not yet come full circle and being as incomplete as I am, I fear there is not much that I can offer you.   You once said that you feared you were out of my league but the truth is; I am out of your league.   I’m just not good enough for you.   I realized that the underlying reason for my holding you and others like you at arms length is that I will never live up to the expectations you have of me.  I thought this entire time that I was setting and raising that bar for myself only.   It never really dawned on me that you would be my judge and juror.   The chaperone who would see to it that I lived up to the standards that I set so high.    And now that the realization has dawned on me, I have no choice but to accept that I am not ready for a relationship.   Not with you, not with anyone.   The truth of the matter is,  I am still not satisfied with self.   

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One Reply to “Dear Jane, It’s not you. It’s me.”

  1. Damn. Actually, yeah I knew…because you told me you do such things. I wish you would tho. I pray for it. Hope for it. And now I feel stupid everytime i pick up the phone to dial you. Never needed you to be complete, satisfied, or nothing else. All I ever needed…was you to be mine. But, I’ll leave you be now – best I can. My spirit has become addicted to you – used to the taste of your essence. SMH. So, you might have to ignore me like you do the rest. Cuz I probably will call you one day soon and leave some mushy ass voice mail that you wont check until days or weeks have passed. All i wanted…
    was you.

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