Insane Banter

I am totally and emotionally drained.   It’s  due in part to the accumulation of more responsibility in my life.   I know you ask why I’m complaining.   Responsibility is a part of the package.  It comes with adulthood.   it’s just that i feel so tired inside.   it’s not one of those physical stresses.  It’s more mental.   It’s like I can’t wait for the day to come when I just  cease to exist.   And  NO i am  NOT suicidal .    I just feel like I’m on a hamster’s wheel and something needs to change.   If i could reinvent myself and start a new life I would.    But then there’s no guarantee I’d be happy is there?   I am glad for the little things in life.   Like getting up  in the mornings,  enjoying some good coffee with half n half and 6 sugars and a nice book.   Simple pleasures like that keep me fueled for the day’s b.s. and I guess if I were to cease to exist then I wouldn’t have those simple pleasures.   I don’t talk much to anyone about how I feel because it’s pretty useless.   People do not care and they never will.   It’s just human nature and it’s something I’ve come to grips with.    It’s not a good or a bad thing about Humans.   It’s just a grey area.   Sort of like Purgatory. 

I guess I believe that no one cares because I in truth do not care about half the inane mumblings  on the opposite end of my phone when friends call.  It’s all monotonous drone to me.   One girl complains about her inability to remain faithful in a relationship.   One guy complains about how depressed he has been, yet for some reason he can’t pinpoint why he’s depressed so even if I was actually listening to what he said, there was nothing I could do about it because he can’t actually say why he’s depressed.   One of those rare cases where I’d encourage the use of drugs.   But everyone who calls has their own problems and are so deeply immersed in them that it’s pointless to start the conversation off with “how are you?”   because the fact of the matter is;  “how I am”   matters not when your star players (as Katt would say)  is You.    So I’ve done away with polite conversation starters and just gone straight for the gist of things.

 

Hello I’m calling because I want money.  Or Hello I’m calling because I need sex and NOTHING else.