• African American

    Part of me feels as though it is inevitable that he will cheat with this girl (although the means aren’t physically there).    I know it’s all really silly but i can’t help but feeling the way I did when I was with Loni and she wouldn’t get rid of that bitch mahogany.   So many times I’d been disrespected only to find out they were fucking each other.   It makes me feel like that’s what he’s doing.  Only difference this time around is that, I am preparing myself for the blow.

  • Lifestyle

    Fight or Flight

    To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; I’m doing it.  I’m surviving ain’t I?   Or… Maybe I’m already dead.   I don’t quite feel dead though.   You know everyday I wake up relieved.  Relieved i have yet another opportunity to fuck my life up oh so much more than I already have.  Therein lies the onerous  decision making process.   To err or not to Err.  That is the question.

  • African American

    My Boyfriend. Yes I refer to him as such because he's been the most loyal individual in my life over the span of 10 years. The most loyal at least until now. He doesn't cheat. It isn't cheating if your lover knows about it. He just finds ways to be in everyone elses corner but mine. Maybe that's putting it harshly. Maybe him hanging out with certain girls I don't approve of and who are blatantly disrespectful of our relationSHIT, isn't a direct slap in the face. And Maybe I'm the fucking Dalai Lama.

  • Abuse,  African American,  Family,  Honesty,  Love,  Relationships,  Trust

    a weeks worth of sleepless nights

    10 years later and he’s back in my life.  my feelings are somehow convoluted.  I know what  my long-term goals are.  I’m just not sure if they include him.   The odds are stacked high against us.  But yet I find myself acting like some crazed teenager again.  He’s had a hard life.  The likes of which, i’ve never had the misfortune to experience. So it makes it hard for us to relate.   You know when you are missing certain things in life it tends to incite hunger inside you.  You tend to want to strive harder to obtain those things.  I think that’s what he does.   And because I don’t strive…

  • Uncategorized

    Step 1: Facing Fears

    He thinks I’m gonna hurt him.  (at least that’s what he says). I think he’s gonna hurt me. Rather, I fear he will hurt me.  Nothing’s for certain.   But today I decided to face my fears.   I made a conscious decision to stop running.   Now he may not be ideal for me. But here is where it all starts.  Today is the beginning of the rest of your life  Meesh.   You have but one feat to accomplish and it is to open up yourself again.  Something you haven’t been able to do in quite such a long time.    You’re not doing it for his benefit.  You’re doing it for yours. …