Unthinkable

He told me to do what Drake said in the previous post….

I guess it means we’re separated. or maybe he broke up with me but wanted to be all pc about it. I just told him when we had our argument “if you wanna dump me. just say it”. He never did say that. But he thinks I should take a week – a vaycay if you will – to see if with him is where I want to be. So to end it all this is what he told me

Moment of honesty
Someones gotta take the lead tonight
Whose it gonna be?
I’m gonna sit right here
And tell you all that comes to me
If you have something to say
You should say it right now

You give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I think I deserve it
Its becoming something that’s impossible to ignore
And I can’t take it
I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us so crazy
If you ask me I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready
If you ask me I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready

I know you said to me
“This is exactly how it should feel when its meant to be”
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually
If we gonna do something about it
We should do it right now

In triplicate

they say everything happens in threes right.

 

Well my cousin died.  I’m not sure of the time of death.  I got a phone call at about 10 am in the morning.  Ally’s dead.  They say it’s poison. . …

She went to the doctor grabbin her gut.  He gave her meds.  2 days later she’s in a coma laying on somebody’s hospital bed hooked up to tubes.  They intubate her.  Funnel these meds into her system.   The meds cause an adverse reaction to the meds already in her system.   She flat lines.  My cousin dies at 21.  She’d been in that coma since Monday.   It’s too late to place blame  but,  where was her Mom to tell the doc’s she already had meds in her?  What happened to doctor’s doing blood work before they medicated the  patient?

Needless to say Ally’s dead.

Aunt Inel’s Dead.

who’s next?

 

I’m waitin for the other shoe to drop

Summer Romance


you are forcing the issue between us.  I feel as though we are drifting apart and that we are very much the cliff analogy I described to you  earlier.  you say that your focus is only on me but there are times when we have conversations in which you just drift off elsewhere. You zone out.  your mind is never with me.  I cannot keep your attention gunz and at this point I feel myself going thru the motions knowing that at some point our relationship will run its course.  Your statements and you’re averring to love me and only me, sound like words said to assuage your troubled mind.  I need you to be 100% honest with yourself and picture your life with me as the only woman you love or are in love with.   A little in depth soul-searching would double my respect for you.   I’m not asking for your hand in marriage.  I just guess I’m asking for a one-woman man.  If that’s so hard to believe.   Are you a  “one-woman” man ? 

I know you probably ask why i’m still here.  But i guess that would be because I love you.  I’ve never let myself endure so much hurt and pain and disappointment.  Now I’m not saying that you’re altogether bad. On the contrary.  I feel as though you have the best of intentions.  I just believe that what you need and what you want differ exponentially.  You may need me but you don’t want me.  I am not the Galatea you pictured in your mind’s eye.

so as it turns out meesh had to eat her words along with a nice helping of humble pie.   The girl is not his sidechick.  Never really was.  She was/is someone who fell in love with him because he is just a great person.   Paradox much?  

Let me fill you in on the details.  Because i’ve been expounding on  the bad and the ugly, but not the good.  He’s an overall great guy.  It took me a while to understand that.  He doesn’t do these things for the ego-boost but simply because if it came down to it,  he’d give you the shirt off his back.  And it doesn’t matter how fucked up you are toward him, he has a forgiving heart.   

A concept that is somewhat alien to me.   I have no excuse for why it’s such an alien concept.  All that I can say Is… I’m a work in progress.   But having finally understood his plight via this weekend’s last outburst.   I realized 2 truths:

 

#1  He reallly really really reallly loves me.

#2 He’s not into her the way that I thought.  

perhaps he keeps her around because … more to come later….