African American

Lean Not Unto your own Understanding

I haven’t come back here lately because I’m at a loss for words. It might be quite easy to write enlightening and idealistic posts but in reality it tends to alienate the average human. I know I’m not perfect and thus far I’ve been recording my epiphanies and my moments of progress. However, what I’ve failed to record are the weaknesses.

To protect the not-so-innocent, I’ll be using a few pseudonyms. It’s 4:15am on Sept 8th and I haven’t had much sleep for the past 2 weeks. So many things have occurred to test my patience and my faith. In some cases, I’ve managed to retain my faith in God and ultimately witnessed his work in my life. In others, I’ve come this close (put’s fingers together) to allowing my impulses to rule. My mom was homeless for the last two weeks for reasons I won’t begin to expound on. I just know that it was heartbreaking to see a woman who’s spent the better part of her life giving others the clothes off her back go without shelter. So throughout, I’ve experienced bouts of bitterness rage and helplessness. She was all the way in Florida and here I was in CT sitting up in my bed in my house. The thought never escaped me that while I had somewhere to rest my head, my mom did not and it hurt to know that there wasn’t much I could do to change her situation. But that feeling was only temporary because God proved once again, that he does hear our cries. While I was helpless, I still had God and God was who I sought in order to pull my mother out of the storm. I sought him in earnest, praying and meditating on his word day and night, night and day. And so, one day she calls me and says “Meesh, I’ve found a place to live”. And for that, I was ecstatic but it still chagrined me to know that this was even allowed to happen. The circumstances leading up to it were a constant source of rage over the past 2 weeks. There were so many negative thoughts I wanted to express and there were times when I wanted to take matters into my own hands, hop on the next red eye and land myself a starring role on America’s Most Wanted but I, thru the strength of God, refrained. Any self respecting warm-blooded human being would have been in Florida dukin it out with my Brothers Wife; Ms Cruella Deville. If your “sister-in-law” threatened bodily harm to your mom and threw her out of the house, you’d want to have her fitted for a body bag too. And Lord Knows I DID. But God in his infinite wisdom told me to be patient and trust in him and that is what I did and it is what I will do. All things considered, I am both thankful and relieved that God has answered my prayers and found shelter for my Mom once again proving that he is indeed an Awesome God.

Maybe it’s a given to most, but my Mom is my life. She is the one person I would probably give my life for. So when someone hurts her it’s tantamount to taking a stab at me. It’s hard not to react to that. But at the end of the day I’ll leave you with these passages:

Proverbs 3:5,6 – Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Matthew 6:30 (New International Version)

30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

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