Leap of Faith

I’m not even gonna lie.   I’ve been an irresponsible cad for the last decade or so.  But here’s what makes God such an awesome God;

He’s there even when you’re not.   Even when our own inconsistencies seem to get the Best of us God is unchanging.  He will never back down from his promises to us.   That alone makes him awesome and worthy of praise.  There is no mere human on this planet that can match  our God in how he so effortlessly cares for his children even when we’ve done so much to disappoint him. .   Now i know the last entry I wrote, I was lost in translation.   My life has been hectic as of late  and not without due cause.   My mistakes are catching up to me. My Crazy temper, My lackadaisical attitude towards the things that matter the most.   Grandma passed away In January and so my regrets come back to haunt me.   Everything that has happened to me this year has been an eye opener to how much I need to change.  And Yes I have been praying.  Praying for God to make me a different person.   Praying for him to help me assuage this rage.   I’ve missed out on so many of the enjoyable aspects of life simply because I always chose to focus on the wrong things.  I forgot how happy I used to be when I was attending church,  when I was believing in God  ( I’ll admit I stopped).   Maybe it happened when My Aunt died.  Maybe I did blame God for her passing.  Maybe that was my first unanswered prayer.   And maybe I needed to face that feeling.   That lost feeling.  I remember feeling like somehow this was all my fault.  Like my wrongdoings led to her demise.   I listened to the Yolanda Adams morning show one day and I remember her talking about how we often blame God for the mishaps in our lives and how that often shapes our perspective and impacts our relationship with God.   And I think that maybe that’s what happened to me.  No, it’s not my scapegoat.  But it’s good that I recognize it so that I can address it.   I’ll admit I thought God had stopped listening to my prayers.   I thought  maybe my prayers were blocked.  So I stopped praying and started believing the worst in people.  Started thinking negatively and yes I started losing faith.  Because of that I was steeped in depression and despair.   I’m not sure how or when it happened but one day I woke up and I got tired of living my life like this.  Got tired of feeling so lost and alone.   I went back to church.  I started praying to God.  I started asking for forgiveness.  I started asking him to heal me.  I started asking him to make me a better person so that I could shine a light and let the world know ,  There is a God.   So I’ve  been taking a leap of faith in praying.  In praying and hoping earnestly beyond all belief that God has been listening to me. And so as it stands i find out today that he has.   Without going into much detail,  I have this on-going court case in which, I’m the defendant who’s being sued (traffic accident).  And I know for the most part that I was wrong. But I also know that there were no damages to the plaintiff’s vehicle.

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That’ would be her car.    But even before I emailed this picture to my Lawyer,  I called his office to find out that the plaintiff has dropped the suit.   I have been praying and praying and praying to God for a way out of this and He has answered my prayers.   I know i don’t deserve it. I know that I’m imperfect and that I have so many things to work on.  But even knowing this,  He still answers my prayer.  There is no way you can tell me that my God is not an Awesome all-powerful Omniscient God. 

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