• African American

    Guilt

    This morning God spoke to me and it’s been a long time coming. Waking from my stupor, it dawned on me that I could still realize my dreams.  In this past year,  I have watched God prove himself to me time and again. I’d grown accustomed to drowning in my guilt.  Believing within myself that I was undeserving of answered prayers.   But then I realized that Guilt is not of God.  Perhaps instead of letting the Devil convince me I couldn’t change, I should instead be giving God praise for his everlasting mercy and grace.   And as reticent as I’ve been,  I’ve found more opportunities to utter the Lord’s praises…

  • African American

    I’m off to zumba to my hearts content. I’m always awkward about going to the gym though.  sometimes I feel like it’s a fashion show. I  mean who has time to impress folks when you’re sweating puddles?

  • African American

    Mountain Moving Power

    Things aren’t currently as great as they were.  However, this isn’t a precursor to depression.  I”m just left in current state of confusion.    The devil has a way of trying to trip you up when you work so hard on exercising your faith.   I feel like the current curveballs are just a test of my true mettle.    However, I will not falter. or at least I’ll try not to.    I won’t go into just how grave our situation is because there’s a part of me that’s embarassed by it.   I am the kind of person who doesn’t’ really like to discuss my financial pitfalls because I was reared in a…

  • African American

    after careful self-analysis, I’ve determined that I’m very goal oriented when it comes to work.  I like working in teams especially when the overall work ethic is  great.   But when it falls on the opposite end of the spectrum, I find it disheartening; frustrating even.   I think it’s a big deal when co-workers show up late or not at – all. or when other people don’t pull their weight.  because I know how great the results would be if we could all just band together and get it done.   same theory applies to living together in a household.  But when one person’s pulling their weight and the rest isn’t, it…

  • African American

    Christianity and the Working Girl

    After a long discussion with Terique last week and part of today, it occurred to me (God I’m so obtuse) that God has been trying to get my attention.  Have you ever felt totally frustrated about  your situation?  Perhaps you thought your circumstances were unfair.  Like your co-worker  showing up for work when he feels like it and your having to bear the onus of the workload.   Insignificant as it may seem.  It’s all a part of God’s plan for us.  I’ve been moaning and groaning about my circumstance for so long that  I failed to consult God for his wise instruction.    Immediate resolution; make snide remarks and comments until…

  • African American

    My Boyfriend. Yes I refer to him as such because he's been the most loyal individual in my life over the span of 10 years. The most loyal at least until now. He doesn't cheat. It isn't cheating if your lover knows about it. He just finds ways to be in everyone elses corner but mine. Maybe that's putting it harshly. Maybe him hanging out with certain girls I don't approve of and who are blatantly disrespectful of our relationSHIT, isn't a direct slap in the face. And Maybe I'm the fucking Dalai Lama.

  • Abuse,  African American,  Family,  Honesty,  Love,  Relationships,  Trust

    a weeks worth of sleepless nights

    10 years later and he’s back in my life.  my feelings are somehow convoluted.  I know what  my long-term goals are.  I’m just not sure if they include him.   The odds are stacked high against us.  But yet I find myself acting like some crazed teenager again.  He’s had a hard life.  The likes of which, i’ve never had the misfortune to experience. So it makes it hard for us to relate.   You know when you are missing certain things in life it tends to incite hunger inside you.  You tend to want to strive harder to obtain those things.  I think that’s what he does.   And because I don’t strive…

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    road trip part 2 (DNR)

    I guess what hurt more than seeing her like that was the fact she’d opened her home to so many of her immediate family members and now that she’s sick with Parkinsons no one was there but J. Her son lives in the subdivision across the street yet it’s Easter and he hasn’t even attempted to call and say “Happy Easter Mom” . But what can you expect from someone who wanted to cut the life support when his moms condition worsened. She could hear him saying “do not resuscitate” which prompted her to let the words “I’m alive” faintly escape her lips. Sometimes I think about it and the…