10 years later and he’s back in my life. my feelings are somehow convoluted. I know what my long-term goals are. I’m just not sure if they include him. The odds are stacked high against us. But yet I find myself acting like some crazed teenager again. He’s had a hard life. The likes of which, i’ve never had the misfortune to experience.
So it makes it hard for us to relate. You know when you are missing certain things in life it tends to incite hunger inside you. You tend to want to strive harder to obtain those things. I think that’s what he does. And because I don’t strive for the same things he does, it drives a rift between us. I want that American Pie dream (well not exactly “Americah Pie”). He wants money. Maybe as the Alpha Male it defines his worth. But I want something simpler. Friendship, Loyalty and reliability. He is downright Amoral and the things I find horrific he finds mundane. We often clash on those points alone. Yet I can’t leave him alone.
One day a man was walking down the street on his way to work. As he walked down the street, there were dogs on just about every front porch and they all would bark as the man walk passed them. However, there was one dog that he remembered, because this dog was just sitting there and he was whimpering and whining and moaning, you know the little whimpering sounds dogs make when they are wounded or in some sort of pain. Well, this particular dog was just sitting there on the front porch making those sounds. The man was curious as to why this dog wasn’t barking like the other dogs and why he was whimpering. He couldn’t figure it out, so he just kept walking to work. The next day he was in the same situation where he was walking down the street and saw the dogs barking once again and this same dog that was moaning and groaning the other day was doing the same thing today and he just couldn’t figure it out. Well, he walked passed for an entire week and everyday the dog would be there moaning and groaning. So, finally the guy got fed up, he said, “let me find out what’s going on.” So he went and knocked on the door and a guy came out and said, “Yes, how may I help you?” He said, “Sir, is this your dog?” “Yes, that’s my dog.” “Well, what’s wrong with him?” The owner of the dog said, “What do you mean?” “Well, he’s been sitting here moaning and groaning, whimpering and whining for an entire week. The rest of the dogs are barking, your dog should be barking too, why is he moaning and groaning?” The owner said, “Well, he’s actually sitting on a nail.” And the guy said, ‘What! Your dog is sitting on a nail. Why doesn’t he get off?” “Well, it just doesn’t hurt him enough.” -.
How many of us have been thru the same situation? What exactly does it take for that nail to start hurting enough? Now I don’t profess to know Chris & Rhi Rhi’s story. But a photo speaks volumes. Though I’ve never been involved in physically abusive relationships, I’ve been torn down and negated enough to identify the signs of abuse. Usually it starts out verbal and for some, it ends physical. Yet we find ourselves drawn to the same kind of people and we find ourselves trying to build with someone who isn’t worth the effort. Some of us tend to believe that if we put forth the effort and stick around on a long term basis, we’ll effect positive change. But you have to find your happy medium and determine when to say “when”. Determine when to walk away from the situation and determine when to love that person from a distance. I’m not sure if this is in fact a common misnomer, but for myself I can say that half the time I was subconsciously doing this because I didn’t want to give up on the relationship. But I learned somewhere down the line that it is pointless to try and change someone in a relationship that is changing you for the worst. You can look at this photo and know that her wounds are not just physical, they’re emotional and mental. Once you’ve lost yourself, it’s hard to get that back. And if you can’t get that back, how can you love someone else effectively enough to inspire change?
If you’re objective is to be “Captain save-a-hoe”, then save yourself first.
This has been a public service announcement from yours truly.