• African American

    The Mundane

    feeling small and insignificant. just some random person. if I disappear it would be as if I were never here.  the hard thing about being a Christian is that God reminds you that you are human.  That you exist. And though advantageous it might seem. You’re also reminded that you are susceptible to life’s imperfections. To slights. to ill-used words.  you ask yourself which is better?  to cease to exist? or to feel alive and remain vulnerable to pain.    Yet suddenly I see my life in such a vivid array of Vibrant colors.  My senses have awakened and it beats the humdrum of  obscurity.  This life beats the grey…

  • African American

    On Thursday I removed another scrap of paper from the Prayer Box Terique gave me.   I found a Job which I start on Monday.  Yet I can’t help feeling melancholy ( and guilty because of it).   I know I should be happy but the one thing I want in this world, I cannot have.   Often we take for granted those we have around us. Especially, our siblings and we just don’t realize that one day we could lose them.  Let’s face it, its not like you can just go to the store and buy a new one to replace the one you lost.   We can do that with possessions but…

  • African American

    Requiem of a dream

    sometimes I wonder if the pain will ever stop.  If I will ever get over losing my brother. some days it’s bearable. other days it’s not.  and I wonder if one day that will all change.   If one day I’ll stop crying.  everywhere i go i see fleeting reminders of him and I think of what could have been but never was.   Please God tell me if the pain will end

  • African American

    Grabbing life by the horns

    This morning I uttered a simple prayer and then it all came rushing back to me.  Everything!  How I could Help myself..  How I could help Terique.   (He’s got his moments when he’s down too).    I think that God answered a multitude of prayers in one fell swoop.  Prayers I didn’t know I’d been asking.   There are a few things  I’ve identified about my depression:   I’m alone down here I’m listless I have no value.     Those are the main issues i encounter.   Quite the defeatist attitude if you ask me.  But in praying and poring things over  God  (and Chavon) gave me my answers.  Maybe I’m not working…

  • African American

    Baggage

    Have you ever felt that when you love someone it did more harm than good.   In re-evaluating myself and my circumstance, I discovered that I’ve been a horrible friend when times are hard.    No I’m not talking about a fair weather friend.   Or maybe I am…. I just realized that I react differently to people when I’m not where I want to be.  Currently I’m not working and I’m feeling listless.  I don’t want to work just for the money but for the feeling of doing something worthwhile and every moment spent here feels like another minute wasted.   I’m sitting here watching my life flit before my eyes and wondering…

  • African American

    The Catch

    He’s educated, spiritual and cerebral.  He’s the epitome of masculinity (however relative a term that is).  He’s damn near perfect.  He likes to cook.  He’s good with a hammer. He’ll take the garbage out and he’s no slob.  He knows how to treat a woman.  He knows  how to sweep a girl off her feet and even the old ladies are enamored with him.   So what is he doing with me?   I can count so many wonderful traits that he possess and yet I can’t count one that I possess.   What’s wrong with this picture?   What’s wrong with me?   I’ve been doing so much soul searching and I’ve been praying…

  • African American

    Concession

    I believe God hears all prayer and all concession.  This morning I prayed for a word that I might impart to my grieving mother.   She’s steeped in depression and confusion over the loss of her son and because of it she’s given herself over to anger and resentment.  Currently there are some evil forces at work that would  seek to destroy us and what we have established as a family.   But I believe in the blood of Jesus.   The man who walked on water and by the hem of whose garment we are all healed.   I believe that if a man can sacrifice himself on the cross for the sins…

  • African American

    Terique and I have this unspoken book reading competition and so far he’s beating me.   Now I was going to take the time to read and catch up to him in our current series: Game of thrones.  But I would be hard-pressed to ingest the word of God.   herein lies the caveat; Where do I begin?   What book?   What chapter in the bible can I use for life application?

  • African American

    The Power Struggle

    Maybe I’m giving him a lot more credit than he deserves.  I do believe that he has been a blessing to me.   But I’ve in a sense created a monster.  I’ve given him more control over my life than was necessary.  Ecclesiastes 4:12 says 12 Though one may be overpowered,    two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. the cord of three strands being the metaphor for the man, the woman, and God.   At the center of it all we must all keep our focus on God and yet as humans, so many of us tend to lose sight of that when we get…