Every day lately, I’ve been wondering if I’m doing what’s right in the sight of the Lord. Sometimes he reveals to me a sign that I’m on the right path. On other occasions, it’s like i’m totally clueless. For me I guess what i’m looking to regain is that childlike faith I used to have. I mean I believe that God will answer my prayers don’t get me wrong. But I guess I tend to rush him. We all know that’s not right because he works in his own timing and though we might think he’s supposed to answer us immediately, his timing is usually perfect. I remember now that there are often times at which he works his wonders and I am mystified as to how everything unfolds. I think that maybe I take that for granted sometimes and that what I should realize, is that I could never do this on my own. My week hasn’t been that great, but I would think it has to do with me lying last week. I’ve been taught a lesson that “what ye reap, ye shall sow”. And now that I’ve been debased (once again) , I’m just getting back on that spiritual bicycle to ride again. What I need to ask God is ” in the face of these trials, what should I be doing different?”
Bridle my tongue let my words edify,
let the words of my mouth be acceptable in Thy sight,
take charge of my thoughts both day and night;
order my steps in Your word,
please order my steps in Your word.
Here i was behind the steering wheel not realizing that I’d just experienced a tornado. I decided to go to the zoo today and then to Borders in Milford to pick up a book. As I left the Beardsley Zoo I noticed the sky getting dark. I assumed it was just a typical thunderstorm. A lil thunder,a lil lightening here n there. But when I got to exit 32 on I-95 going south, the scenery changed. I tried to take the local routes because there was an accident and delay for abut 4 miles up to exit 27. It took me an hour to get to work when it normally would take me at most, 30 minutes. Trees were down everywhere especially on the connecting street off which I lived. Kolbe Cathedral High School Lost it’s roof. Cars had windows bashed in. Folks personal effects were scattered all over the street. But the most amazing thing about it was that I remembered getting up this morning (well afternoon), getting down on my knees and asking God to guide my steps and those of my loved ones. When i was finally able to get off work and check my house for damages I notice that that entire section of East Main Street on which I lived, was virtually untouched. Now tell me that’s not a Miracle and proof that God is listening and watching over us!! I remember praying in earnest that no harm befell my brother and/or my home and sure enough. Everything remained untouched. But look a the rest of the City:
God is an All Powerful Wondrous and Amazing God. My faith in him has fully been restored. I know now as I’ve always known that he hears my prayers and he heeds my cries and there are no words for the gratitude and the fear I have for my God. I remember faithfully getting on my knees and praying asking the Lord to Order my steps in his word on June 24th 2010. I remember praying for his blessings for me and My family. Little did I know that A storm was brewing. Little did I know that a Tornado with 75mph winds was to Target Bridgeport connecticut. And what has me in awe is that a section of my immediate vicinity suffered the most damage. If you’ve looked the pictures in my previous post, you’ll know just how close to it my home was. I came home to check the house and even the rickety old basketball hoop that had been erected for my Nephew years ago was still standing. Trees were still standing. If Our God is not an Awesome God, I do not know who is but after seeing the devastation surrounding me and perusing my house and noticing that nothing was touched, I had to lift him up in praise. I had to thank him over and over till the tears flooded my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. I am truly taken aback and amazed and filled with awe. Because I know that God has been watching out for me and I know that he’s there even in my loneliest most dejected hour and there are no words. NO NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW AMAZED I AM AT THE POWER OF GOD. HE IS TRULY WONDERFUL
My Daily Bread
We tend to search for our happiness and comfort in everything but the Lord. Some resort to Alcohol. Some to Drugs. Some to any other man-made kind of addiction or ism they can find. I know because I’m guilty of it myself. What ails society is that we tend to look everywhere else for our cure-all. Everywhere but with God. What I came to find out was that, none of it compares to the feeling of peace and calm God gives you when you lay your burdens on him. It’s one of the most remarkable things about God. How he can immediately give you comfort to ease your pain when no amount of e-pills, incredible hulk or hennessy can help you. We tend to do these things due to lack of faith in our Almighty God. We operate on a WYSIWYG basis and forget that…
knows that he knows nothing at all. I’ve made it my business to record all my life’s lessons from here on out. That way I can refer back to this blog when I’m in a difficult situation. These aren’t just life lessons but lessons taught to us by the Holy Spirit. So today I was reading ODB and there were some verses quoted from the Beatitudes.
Matthew 5:1-12 (New International Version)
1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:
3″Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11″Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
How I applied it to my life can be summed up in the title and first sentence of this post. It is my belief that one should take a humble approach to all things and there is where the most knowledge is gained. And it isn’t just knowledge to be gained. But a growth in character.
Like the passage said in ODB:
People who are rich, successful, and beautiful may go through life relying on their natural gifts. But people who are needy, dependent, and dissatisfied with life are more likely to welcome God’s free gift of love.
if given to our own predilections, we tend to “pull rank” more often than not. I too am guilty of harboring an elitist mentality. maybe because It’s my way of being comfortable with self. But there is one thing that I need to be reminded of; and that is we are all here to serve a divine purpose. It hasn’t so much to do with our own wills and objectives. But it has to do with the will of our Father in heaven. We may not all be at the same level of learning in life. Our learning curves may differ. However, it does not make one lesser than the other. Because we are all meant to work together as a whole. The Body of Christ
Romans 12:2-10 (New International Version)
2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his[a]faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
I have been praying for Forgiveness for oh so long. I could not for the life of me Fathom how God could forgive me for my multitude of sins. Sometimes i’d think my sins were so numerous that i’d be twice removed from his grace. Then today I was referred to this verse as i was reading the back of this book and it brought tears to my eyes reminding me that God’s mercy is nothing like ours and that he has the capacity to forgive us of our sins and wrong doings if we are truly contrite.
Psalm 103 (New International Version)
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
I kept reading this book and he kept answering my questions and renewing my faith in him. Every single question I had in my heart he answered and that just let me know that I was not alone.
I want so much for my life to mean something. I’ve been taking baby-albeit minuscule- steps to achieving that end. I’m so lost and so confused that I don’t know where to begin. Well i have some idea but still therein lies that control freak issue. One thing the bible has taught me is that “we walk by faith and not by sight”. And if I am to begin this new life or turn over a new leaf, then a prerequisite of that is my having faith and knowing that God will lead me in the right direction. But I’ve messed up so much in my life that I have to ask myself if God even hears me beneath the multitude of sins. Here I’ve been walking around all holier-than-thou for the past 10 years knowing full well my roses really smell like (in the words of Andre 3000) boo-boo. I am humbled and left in a precarious position. In need – for once in my life—of leadership
it really wasn’t that long ago
she died in 2003.
sometimes I miss her. I really miss her. Like the times when I’m confused and I don’t know what to do. I wish she was here to show me what to do or to tell me what she would do. But she isn’t . And I remember all the good shit she used to do . I remember the kind of person she was and I’ve tried to pattern my life after her but so far it’s been an epic fail. every time I falter, I want to know where I went wrong. But she’s not here to answer me or tell me and that’s what hurts the most. Maybe I’m being selfish because I can’t let her go.. Maybe I just feel like she has unfinished business to tend to. But who am I to make that decision? I should’ve used the time wisely when she was here. But I thought she was always going to be here. Who knew she would leave me?
He told me to do what Drake said in the previous post….
I guess it means we’re separated. or maybe he broke up with me but wanted to be all pc about it. I just told him when we had our argument “if you wanna dump me. just say it”. He never did say that. But he thinks I should take a week – a vaycay if you will – to see if with him is where I want to be. So to end it all this is what he told me
Moment of honesty
Someones gotta take the lead tonight
Whose it gonna be?
I’m gonna sit right here
And tell you all that comes to me
If you have something to say
You should say it right now
You give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I think I deserve it
Its becoming something that’s impossible to ignore
And I can’t take it
I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us so crazy
If you ask me I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready
If you ask me I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready
I know you said to me
“This is exactly how it should feel when its meant to be”
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually
If we gonna do something about it
We should do it right now