I realized lately that my fatigue was really only psychosomatic. I guess what I’ve always needed was a good reason to get up in the mornings and to go about my day and at some point I lost track of all the good things going on in my life. I have to admit the Devil’s been beatin me down lately. You know how the saying goes; “when it rains, it pours” . Well it’s been pouring all over my parade for the past month and I’ve been finding it hard to remain inspired. Today after much prayer it has dawned on me that this is yet another test and another trial to overcome. If I can overcome this then I’ll make some progress with my own spiritual well being. So after reading today’s entry from ODB about Dogged Devotion, I’ve refueled and I’m ready to face another day. Okay I’M RELOADED!!!
One of the most frustrating aspects of my daily routine is working at a bank cow-towing to overly priviledged customers who have the nerve to call in with conniption fits because they don’t know how to use the automated phone system. Of all the things to harangue about? You would call to complain because you have to enter account numbers in order to make your transfers. Doesn’t that seem a little petty? And maybe keeping $90,000 in our bank to build interest warranted him the right to moan and carryon. But how does he sleep at night, knowing that out there, someone’s digging thru garbage looking for their next meal? That out there someone’s on the verge of a mental breakdown because their house is on foreclosure and they have nowhere to go. Living in a world engorged in darkness has ironically shed light on the burgeoning ethical decline of our society. Remember when people cared a little more? Remember when we were a little less selfish? We’ve gotten so cocky and arrogant with our advances in technology and medicine that we have all but become a Godless society. I can’t say I know when this began or where. But I took notice over the last decade. I noticed that crimes were becoming more sadistic and I noticed that we’ve even been justifying things we would never have thought to justify 20 years ago. I used to bury my head in my books or my internet games so that I’d remain oblivious to it all. But It weighed heavy upon my heart. It still weighs heavy upon my heart. But the up side or the turnabout came for me when I found my way back to Jesus. He was/is (and I know this sounds a bit fanatical) the light at the end of my tunnel. I was depressed and locked myself away in my home outside of going to work and I cut off mostly all contact with the outside world because I felt our circumstances were dire and virtually hopeless. But thru all that, I found a lifeline to God. Genesis 1:2-3 says:
2 Now the earth was [a] formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.
Do you see that? How awesome is our God that even in the depths of despair he can utter 4 words and bring about the start of creation and the end to all darkness. That’s what God has done with my life. He looked at me and said ” Let there be Light” and there actually was light and there were actually better days and I knew that even though I was surrounded by all this darkness that God was still here reminding me that there was always something to look forward to. I’d intended to turn this post into a rant and rave about some of the mundane aspects of my existence but I cannot help but be happy and content that I can find my strength in Jesus. What would I do without him? I would be miserable as I had been for the last 10 to 15 years. As daunting as my present trials may seem, I have God and God trumps it all. 🙂 ….. tootles folks . I’m off to wally world to buy bed linen.
I’ve made it my business to count my blessings. So I’d like to share with you one of the primary headaches I’ve dealt with over the past few months. I’ve fallen victim to some harsh circumstance of late and each day that I make my way to work or whatever prospective destination it dawns on me that any day now I could lose the few blessings that I do have. There have been so many other people I’ve come across, who are down on their luck or going thru extremely rough times. Yet here it is’ I’ve spent the last 10 years or so griping about what I don’t have. I’d never really been satisfied because I chose at some point to exclude Jesus from my life and I’ve been on this quest to find happiness, only I was looking in all the wrong places. What I failed to realize is that Jesus is my portion and though I may not see it, he has blessed me with so much more than I give him credit for. So lately I’ve taken notice of things that I would usually be oblivious to; like the homeless man around the corner scrounging for food in the garbage or the foreclosure sign on the house next door. The concept hasn’t escaped me that tomorrow that might be me on that corner digging thru the garbage or that any day now that could be my house with the foreclosure sign on it. We spend so many hours of our days enveloped in our own 360 degrees, that we miss the big picture. I vow never to lose myself like that ever again.