if given to our own predilections, we tend to “pull rank” more often than not. I too am guilty of harboring an elitist mentality. maybe because It’s my way of being comfortable with self. But there is one thing that I need to be reminded of; and that is we are all here to serve a divine purpose. It hasn’t so much to do with our own wills and objectives. But it has to do with the will of our Father in heaven. We may not all be at the same level of learning in life. Our learning curves may differ. However, it does not make one lesser than the other. Because we are all meant to work together as a whole. The Body of Christ
Romans 12:2-10 (New International Version)
2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his[a]faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
10 years later and he’s back in my life. my feelings are somehow convoluted. I know what my long-term goals are. I’m just not sure if they include him. The odds are stacked high against us. But yet I find myself acting like some crazed teenager again. He’s had a hard life. The likes of which, i’ve never had the misfortune to experience.
So it makes it hard for us to relate. You know when you are missing certain things in life it tends to incite hunger inside you. You tend to want to strive harder to obtain those things. I think that’s what he does. And because I don’t strive for the same things he does, it drives a rift between us. I want that American Pie dream (well not exactly “Americah Pie”). He wants money. Maybe as the Alpha Male it defines his worth. But I want something simpler. Friendship, Loyalty and reliability. He is downright Amoral and the things I find horrific he finds mundane. We often clash on those points alone. Yet I can’t leave him alone.
My old life was a far cry from what it is now. I’ve undergone a sort of metamorphosis. I was looking at an old photo montage I made back when grandpa died. Then I started looking up my aunt’s name on the Internet. I found out that she was quite brilliant as is her husband and son. She’s into computers also. So I guess the whole computer geek thing is a genetic thing. I never knew until the age of 28 that my aunt was an inventor or a scholar. Part of me wishes I’d stayed with my dad when I was younger because I probably would’ve attained my goals much faster. The dynamic between the two sides of my family is unusual. My mom comes from dirt poor surroundings. She’s the eldest of 6 children. Granny (God rest her soul), felt it was prudent to have all these kids to keep the men around. It just never panned out that way. So instead, my mom’s been raising kids since she first hit puberty. Not her kids but my Grannies kids. She was pulled out of school to raise these kids and being the oldest sibling she’s always felt responsible for her younger siblings. See my mom’s family may not come from much but the one thing they have that I don’t see in a lot of other families is that loyalty and that kinship. She represents the side of me that stays grounded. My dad on the other hand comes from a well-to-do family with very old fashioned values. I would almost say they were snobs. But snobs or not I still love them. They raised me with standards and created this melting pot of unique traits and attributes that you’ll never find. I get my elitist mentality from that side of the family and at times I find I’m in a mental conflict. I tend to date women who would be considered beneath my stature by my family as a sign of rebellion. I think a lot of who I am now as a person can be attributed to the way dad is and the rest of the Francis’s are. Nobody says “I love you” on that side of the family. Nobody is overtly emotional. They all maintain a certain kind of stone-faced decorum which makes it really hard to relate to them. I know that I am everything they despise. The black sheep. The child with no (for a lack of better words) “Broughtupsy” (consult the West Indian Dictionary). I’m the one child that goes against the grain. The one who hung with the bad chicks in high school and would skip class. The one who wore miniskirts to the mall and thought she was grown even though she knew pops hated it. I strive to be everything he is not.