Sifting thru the Wreckage

Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Do you ever get the feeling that happiness & contentment magnifies beauty tenfold?

I am honestly trying to steer clear of posts about my professional life. Except I’m not finding that easy because I spend most of my waking hours here at the lab. I’m at the lab right now waiting for a recovery to be completed and hoping that once it’s done, I won’t have to hear any bitching and moaning from my client. I know I’m supposed to enjoy this coz it’s what I signed up for in college but sometimes it’s just a little frustrating. Sometimes I think people forget they’re dealing with human beings when they inquire about our services. You know while he’s laid up in his plush comfortable bed. I’m here in this lab freezing my ass off under the A.C. trying to push thru his critical data. And I’m pretty sure he’ll be one to have a complaint in the morning or even maybe 2 months down the line. When he complains that’ll be my queue to exit the building permanently.

Shit who am I fooling in this economy? Like Mica says “I’m gonna ride it till the wheels fall off” (kinda think she was talkin about sex) but my tone is pure innocence. I spoke to her last night and it felt great. We really have good conversations but I’m also stricken with A.D.H.D. So despite the great convo she offers, my mind tends to stray as does my attention. We’ll talk for 2 days only to end up arguing because I won’t answer some of her phone calls and I’ll probably stop calling. I lack focus.

But most of the time when I stop calling, it’s usually because I’m stressing about certain things in my life and I’m trying to get my ducks in a row. I’m always one to put things off until I can’t complete the task at hand. Then complications arise with the task at hand and it seems as if my entire existence is consumed with that particular mediocre iota of life.

I’m 30 years old.  I’ve been through a lot and experienced alot so I tend to be good at reading people.  Body language, mannerisms and overall swag.   So i’m here chuckling to myself as I’m reading blogs.   I ran across 2 individuals with the same topic and the same style of writing for that particular topic.   Now i’m laughing because It’s so obvious to me that they’ve got this thing going on.   Yet, they swear everyone else is clueless.   But it’s funny that both posted topics about sex and both started asking questions about how soon is too soon to start digging someone.   

Anyway this blog is not about that.   I was reading a blog about sex and the lack thereof and it broached a few questions in my mind.    If one has been celibate for quite sometime and decides to put oneself on the market, does this  in fact impair ones judgement when it comes to finding miss right?   You know how  some lesbians are always falling in love at first sight?  Is it possible that they compromise their standards because it’s been a long time since physical companionship?  Or does celibacy clear the mind?  Does it allow you to think straight and look at things from new perspectives?   I only ask this because as a self-proclaimed serial monogamist, I’ve had one too many encounters where i swore she was the one then after the physical attraction wore off and the A.D.D. set in things changed.    Could it be I was overcome by lust and confused it with Love?

There arises this insurmountable urge to shut the lesbian world and it’s 6 degrees of dyke drama out.   On this edition of Lunar Lunacy;  Aquafina issued an apology for how she treated me during our relationship.   So did CH.   Supposedly she felt bad for being dishonest when all I asked of her was honesty.  But it was a little hard to swallow considering she’s been concocting stories about me and relaying them to random individuals.  None of whom are interconnected.   She sent me a text this morning saying  “Man you a cold peace of work its kewl don’t worrie bout me blowin up  ur phone or beggin you as you put it.”  She’s half right.  I am cold.  I can’t really feel any emotion towards her at this point considering she’d been sleeping with her ex and came back from the night club with a hickey from a random stranger.  As of late i’ve also been informed she was stalking her other ex while with me.   I guess I can’t really bring myself to feel the least bit of regret for merely stating the fact that she was begging me or blowing up my phone.  

Lying, cheating women tend to use insecurity as a crutch in
relationships. How?   First one must ask; how many times has my girl
done some significantly shady shit and when approached responded, ”
You’re so insecure.”? Where do we draw the fine line between
identifying insecurity and identifying  intuition?