Sifting thru the Wreckage

Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Do you ever get the feeling that happiness & contentment magnifies beauty tenfold?

I’m 30 years old.  I’ve been through a lot and experienced alot so I tend to be good at reading people.  Body language, mannerisms and overall swag.   So i’m here chuckling to myself as I’m reading blogs.   I ran across 2 individuals with the same topic and the same style of writing for that particular topic.   Now i’m laughing because It’s so obvious to me that they’ve got this thing going on.   Yet, they swear everyone else is clueless.   But it’s funny that both posted topics about sex and both started asking questions about how soon is too soon to start digging someone.   

Anyway this blog is not about that.   I was reading a blog about sex and the lack thereof and it broached a few questions in my mind.    If one has been celibate for quite sometime and decides to put oneself on the market, does this  in fact impair ones judgement when it comes to finding miss right?   You know how  some lesbians are always falling in love at first sight?  Is it possible that they compromise their standards because it’s been a long time since physical companionship?  Or does celibacy clear the mind?  Does it allow you to think straight and look at things from new perspectives?   I only ask this because as a self-proclaimed serial monogamist, I’ve had one too many encounters where i swore she was the one then after the physical attraction wore off and the A.D.D. set in things changed.    Could it be I was overcome by lust and confused it with Love?

There arises this insurmountable urge to shut the lesbian world and it’s 6 degrees of dyke drama out.   On this edition of Lunar Lunacy;  Aquafina issued an apology for how she treated me during our relationship.   So did CH.   Supposedly she felt bad for being dishonest when all I asked of her was honesty.  But it was a little hard to swallow considering she’s been concocting stories about me and relaying them to random individuals.  None of whom are interconnected.   She sent me a text this morning saying  “Man you a cold peace of work its kewl don’t worrie bout me blowin up  ur phone or beggin you as you put it.”  She’s half right.  I am cold.  I can’t really feel any emotion towards her at this point considering she’d been sleeping with her ex and came back from the night club with a hickey from a random stranger.  As of late i’ve also been informed she was stalking her other ex while with me.   I guess I can’t really bring myself to feel the least bit of regret for merely stating the fact that she was begging me or blowing up my phone.  

Lying, cheating women tend to use insecurity as a crutch in
relationships. How?   First one must ask; how many times has my girl
done some significantly shady shit and when approached responded, ”
You’re so insecure.”? Where do we draw the fine line between
identifying insecurity and identifying  intuition?

I don’t know if the emotions that I’m feeling  mean that I  like her or if I love her.  We’ve been talking since maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago.  Everyday, she’s unsure about what our future holds and Everyday it seems as if I don’t have secure footing in this  relationship.   I’m not exactly calling it a relationship because she’s not my girlfriend.  But for the sake of identifying this thing we have, I’ll call it a relationship.   She’s been thru the same b.s. that I have.  She’s had her heart broken more often than not – as have I.   It’s really hard to convince her that I’m not here to break her heart.  But it’s even harder maintaining the lines of communication when, I’m in the same predicament.   I can’t expect her to trust me overnight  especially because I know that I can’t do the same for her.   However, I want to be sure that this is something she wants to do.  She’s decided today.  Undecided tomorrow.   I told her last week that I couldn’t do this with her and that perhaps it would be best if we didn’t see each other anymore.  She calls me the next day saying she wants me in her life. Then the day after that she’s too scared and she doesn’t want to like me , which basically is sending me mixed signals.   Should I stay?  Should I go?   Subsequently she’s made the suggestion we just talk  (no definitions) and just see where the day takes us.   I’m fine with that but I don’t want to put my own heart on hold when it’s possible there are other opportunities waiting for me.   I like her a lot but I’ve already been thru this.  I’ve been thru the waiting period and I don’t think it’s fair to have me wait and remain exclusive to only you when we don’t know if you’re going to jump ship 2 days from now.