10 years later and he’s back in my life. my feelings are somehow convoluted. I know what my long-term goals are. I’m just not sure if they include him. The odds are stacked high against us. But yet I find myself acting like some crazed teenager again. He’s had a hard life. The likes of which, i’ve never had the misfortune to experience.
So it makes it hard for us to relate. You know when you are missing certain things in life it tends to incite hunger inside you. You tend to want to strive harder to obtain those things. I think that’s what he does. And because I don’t strive for the same things he does, it drives a rift between us. I want that American Pie dream (well not exactly “Americah Pie”). He wants money. Maybe as the Alpha Male it defines his worth. But I want something simpler. Friendship, Loyalty and reliability. He is downright Amoral and the things I find horrific he finds mundane. We often clash on those points alone. Yet I can’t leave him alone.
There arises this insurmountable urge to shut the lesbian world and it’s 6 degrees of dyke drama out. On this edition of Lunar Lunacy; Aquafina issued an apology for how she treated me during our relationship. So did CH. Supposedly she felt bad for being dishonest when all I asked of her was honesty. But it was a little hard to swallow considering she’s been concocting stories about me and relaying them to random individuals. None of whom are interconnected. She sent me a text this morning saying “Man you a cold peace of work its kewl don’t worrie bout me blowin up ur phone or beggin you as you put it.” She’s half right. I am cold. I can’t really feel any emotion towards her at this point considering she’d been sleeping with her ex and came back from the night club with a hickey from a random stranger. As of late i’ve also been informed she was stalking her other ex while with me. I guess I can’t really bring myself to feel the least bit of regret for merely stating the fact that she was begging me or blowing up my phone.