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    changes

    I know that 99% of the time I push folks away. I thought maybe I could control it but it seems I can’t. I could really use some spiritual guidance right now.

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    Sex and the City

    I don’t know if it was the Sex and The City DVD or seeing a photo of my nephew and my new born niece, but I decided I wanted a taste of normalcy in my life. These 2 things gave me a different perspective of the world as is. Everyday I read little blurbs on msn about the economy, the war on terror and our upcoming election and everyday it depresses me. I know the world will never be what it was ten years ago, but seeing that photo and watching that movie reminded me so much of the simple things. The God-Given things that we take for granted. And I…

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    Fairy Tales Come True

    What’s the point of having a relationship when more often than not you feel so alone. Sometimes you feel as iff you’re grabbing on to one last straw to keep it going. despite your efforts it steadily continues to fade to black. It’s so lonely and it hurts so much and you wonder what have you done in your past that might warrant this experience. The only thing warm around here lately are the tear stains. And i guess it hurts even more to know (or to feel) that the feeling isn’t mutual. I call myself facing the music when confronted with the prospect. I wall myself up and hope…

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    King Midas in Reverse

    Everything you touch turns to shit.    I  want to pack my comforter in the back seat of my car and drive down to the beach.   I wanna snuggle up there and go to sleep.   I’m afraid to close my eyes.  .   I never wanted this.    I don’t know how this happened.   Everybody thinks they have the answers to your problems. but no one does.   I don’t really feel much.  .  It’s just so dark here.   I can’t feel myself.   I can’t feel the blood coursing thru my veins.   I don’t feel pain.   I’m  afraid of the images behind the lids.    so I can’t sleep.  can’t focus.   can’t work.   can’t run…

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    Blitzkrieg of Cassidy

    From a personal perspective, one sometimes grows weary trying to make things happen. I’ve been presented with certain opportunities that would allow my organization to grow positively. But knowing what I know about the members therein, I lack the confidence to continue on. Knowing that one has children who can at times be so petty as to waste their long distance minutes discussing propaganda can be quite problematic and tends to leave one in a state of confusion. How does one proceed forward? asks the control freak. You simply have to operate on the preface of blind faith; which seems easy enough to do when it’s your first stab at…

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    Parenting

    I’ll admit there are some days that I feel so out of touch with my kids. Like I don’t understand them, and it bothers me. Some are just spoiled and others just dance to the beat of their own drum. I guess it bothers me even more if things are done in a manner that is sneaky and offensive to me. I mean if you are an individual with the best of intentions. What is the point of going about things in a way that’s (to the naked eye) underhanded. I try to give everybody the benefit of the doubt and often times when they do things that seem blatantly…

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    Idiot Savant

    So there’s this great big black n blue mark on my Leg from Saturdays’ shenanigans. I’m not quite sure how it got there seeing as I was drunk for the better part of the day. Incredible Hulks, Bahama Mamas, Long Island ice teas, St Paul (?) a mass of swirling distant memories. I remember the room spinning and stumbling into the shower to sober up then applying an avocado mask and passing out in Meme’s hotel room on one of the beds. But I don’t quite remember how I got this blurple mark on my leg and it’s been there ever since. Needless to say I had fun. But I’m…

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    Shell Shock

    I don’t know why it hurt so much. But people surprise you every day. Nobody likes to remain consistent. I know I shouldn’t be worried about the shyt but I really did care for ole girl. I jus don’t know that I like the new image. A lot of that’s been going around lately. The good’s been leaking thru cracks and crevices out of people. Their experiences change them and their perception and I always get caught in the cross-fire. I honestly wish I knew what I did to this female to have her curse me out and block me like she did. And I know I usually don’t give…