What if?

I’m feeling a little inspired by Alix’s fiction. Only this isn’t fiction. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time now and wondering if I should’ve taken things a step further. For the purposes of this blog we’ll call her Famous. I met her online a Long time ago (6 years give or take). She was in the military. She was Arabian and black, spoke 7 languages and worked for Criminal Intelligence. She was Grade A prime cut material. She didn’t really identify as a Stud or a Femme. She was just “Famous”. The opportunity presented itself to physically meet back in 2006. I was in Atlanta on business and she was back in the states visiting family. She came by my hotel one night. Dressed in all white, she had this distinctive style to her. Not like anything I’d ever seen or been accustomed to. So we’re sitting on the bed making small talk. For some reason I get up and I’m looking in the mirror in front of the bed and she decides to start caressing my legs. When her fingers found my inner thighs my knees gave out and I collapsed into her lap, by now she’s planting kisses on my neck by my jugular and my back is arched as I’m moaning in her ear . Pulling her earlobe in with my lips…. It felt like this crazy ass dream. We ended up on the bed at some point. She started undoing my shorts whispering in my ear “let me make you come”. But for some crazy ass reason I stopped her. I fucking stopped her and we just laid there like that until I fell asleep. Ultimately I stopped it. I don’t exactly know why. I think maybe It was my controlling nature interfering. I was thinking too much about it and worrying about the outcome. My best friend says I’m crazy. She might be right. But I still think about that night. I’ve never had anyone make me feel like that. We lost touch until last year when she sends me a message saying “I still think about that night”. So now I’m asking myself “what if?”

 

Do you believe in one night stands? Would you have classified that as a one night stand?

Infatuation or the Real McCoy

I’m 30 years old.  I’ve been through a lot and experienced alot so I tend to be good at reading people.  Body language, mannerisms and overall swag.   So i’m here chuckling to myself as I’m reading blogs.   I ran across 2 individuals with the same topic and the same style of writing for that particular topic.   Now i’m laughing because It’s so obvious to me that they’ve got this thing going on.   Yet, they swear everyone else is clueless.   But it’s funny that both posted topics about sex and both started asking questions about how soon is too soon to start digging someone.   

 

Anyway this blog is not about that.   I was reading a blog about sex and the lack thereof and it broached a few questions in my mind.    If one has been celibate for quite sometime and decides to put oneself on the market, does this  in fact impair ones judgement when it comes to finding miss right?   You know how  some lesbians are always falling in love at first sight?  Is it possible that they compromise their standards because it’s been a long time since physical companionship?  Or does celibacy clear the mind?  Does it allow you to think straight and look at things from new perspectives?   I only ask this because as a self-proclaimed serial monogamist, I’ve had one too many encounters where i swore she was the one then after the physical attraction wore off and the A.D.D. set in things changed.    Could it be I was overcome by lust and confused it with Love?

Old Habits Die Hard

My ex of 8 years seems to gain confidence every time she has a new girlfriend. Confidence being an understatement. Whenever she’s with someone she thinks the whole entire world is on her dick and is worried about her dick and its actions. It’s just one of those random observations I made just recently. Every time a bitch cheats on her or dumps her, I’m the coolest, realest female she’s ever known. Then when she finds a new chick who will fuck her she gets hype and it’s “FUCK THE WORLD. ALL THESE HOES ON MY DICK”. Come on now Morgen? Is it really that serious? The whole world is losing sleep over your minuscule rubber ding-a-ling? Is this a fact? And in what book of bullshit did you read this?

I posted a twitter comment saying that it was odd that her and my bf are dating because they used to be sworn enemies. I made the post out of sheer amusement not jealousy or for the need to check up on morgen (I’ll keep that lower-cased) and her so-called dick actions which I wasn’t aware she had. She in her deep rooted resentment responds with the following:

“@kissmeshia lmao! nah what you find odd is you dont want nobody that knows you with me its been mad long get over it meesh really b…”

All Points Bulletin

APB: If anyone sees a fat rusty black-lipped chick driving a Dodge Caravan Virginia License Plate# E644 008 please set her and that car on fire. This chick decides to cut us off on I-85 yesterday somewhere between NC & VA. We ignored it and kept moving. Later on I notice the aforementioned pulls up next to my side of the car ( the passenger side) and starts mouthing obscenities. So I rolled my window down and cussed her fat ass out. There were four people in my car. My Mom was driving. My bro and my nephew were in the backseat. This bitch decides to take it a step further and proceeds to cut my Mom off again. Only, this time we anticipated that move and slowed down so as not to run into her. My Mom switches Lanes. She switches Lanes. Mom switches back behind another car. Black-lips decides she wants to share lanes with us and pulls into the left lane pushing us over the side beyond the sleeper lane and almost into the grassy part of the highway. Luckily there wasn’t a ditch there or a barrier. If you see the following Dodge Caravan with the aforementioned LICENSE plate. Please feel free to stab the driver if indeed it’s a female;

beast

road trip part 2 (DNR)

I guess what hurt more than seeing her like that was the fact she’d
opened her home to so many of her immediate family members and now that
she’s sick with Parkinsons no one was there but J. Her son lives in
the subdivision across the street yet it’s Easter and he hasn’t even
attempted to call and say “Happy Easter Mom” . But what can you expect
from someone who wanted to cut the life support when his moms condition
worsened. She could hear him saying “do not resuscitate” which
prompted her to let the words “I’m alive” faintly escape her lips.
Sometimes I think about it and the other grimey things folks have done
to her and it incites so much rage. I’m really angry inside because I
cannot fathom how one could wish for your own mom to die.

Road Trip Part 1.

I’m on my way back from GA. we visited with my cousin J and Aunt I
for the easter weekend. I hadn’t seen Aunt I since 2006 when I was
out there on business so it came as a surprise to me when I saw her
posted up in that hospital bed in the living room, her neck permanently
bent to one side and speaking in low tones. Its a far cry from the
Aunt I I knew growing up. She was a stately woman and a kindhearted
one. She’s not my biological aunt but she’s treated me better than
some of my own aunts .

I know I’m wrong

coz my cousins marryin this friend of the fam that I got like a crush on
and I’m a lol jealous. sighs. I’m happy but I’m jealous.

Geneology

Geneology

Account Meesh

My old life was a far cry from what it is now. I’ve undergone a sort of metamorphosis. I was looking at an old photo montage I made back when grandpa died. Then I started looking up my aunt’s name on the Internet. I found out that she was quite brilliant as is her husband and son. She’s into computers also. So I guess the whole computer geek thing is a genetic thing. I never knew until the age of 28 that my aunt was an inventor or a scholar. Part of me wishes I’d stayed with my dad when I was younger because I probably would’ve attained my goals much faster. The dynamic between the two sides of my family is unusual. My mom comes from dirt poor surroundings. She’s the eldest of 6 children. Granny (God rest her soul), felt it was prudent to have all these kids to keep the men around. It just never panned out that way. So instead, my mom’s been raising kids since she first hit puberty. Not her kids but my Grannies kids. She was pulled out of school to raise these kids and being the oldest sibling she’s always felt responsible for her younger siblings. See my mom’s family may not come from much but the one thing they have that I don’t see in a lot of other families is that loyalty and that kinship. She represents the side of me that stays grounded. My dad on the other hand comes from a well-to-do family with very old fashioned values. I would almost say they were snobs. But snobs or not I still love them. They raised me with standards and created this melting pot of unique traits and attributes that you’ll never find. I get my elitist mentality from that side of the family and at times I find I’m in a mental conflict. I tend to date women who would be considered beneath my stature by my family as a sign of rebellion. I think a lot of who I am now as a person can be attributed to the way dad is and the rest of the Francis’s are. Nobody says “I love you” on that side of the family. Nobody is overtly emotional. They all maintain a certain kind of stone-faced decorum which makes it really hard to relate to them. I know that I am everything they despise. The black sheep. The child with no (for a lack of better words) “Broughtupsy” (consult the West Indian Dictionary). I’m the one child that goes against the grain. The one who hung with the bad chicks in high school and would skip class. The one who wore miniskirts to the mall and thought she was grown even though she knew pops hated it. I strive to be everything he is not.

The Straight Pill

Now I’m not one to typically piggyback off someone else’s entry. But this one evoked a lot of emotion in me. I guess coz of my religious upbringing. But read it. Let me know how you feel and if you like it pass it on. Oh yes STOLEN FROM APOCKETFULLOFHOPE

The Straight Pill
Date March 13, 2009

If there was a pill that could make me straight

…..Straight in body

…..Straight in mind

…..Straight in heart

……….I would not take it.

If taking such a pill would restore all my lost friendships

…..And regain my parents pride

…..And give back my families respect

…..…..I would not take it.

If taking such a pill would return me to my former ministry

…..And the admiration of the congregation

…..And the loving welcome of the church

…..…..I would not take it.

If taking such a pill would replace the love I have for my wife with an equal love for a man

…..And we could legally marry

…..And we would be granted full rights under the law without fighting for them

…..…..I would not take it.

If taking such a pill would mean no one would reject me for being who I am

…..And for saying what I believe

…..And for standing boldly as one who follows Christ

…..…..I would not take it.

If taking such a pill could take the world back in time,

…..Before I came out of the closet,

…..Before I said I was gay

…..Before I knew I was gay

…..Before inequality touched me

…..Before hate revealed its ugliness to me

…..Before anyone rejected me

…..Before anything was lost to me

…..Before I ever questioned God’s love for me

…..…..I would not take it.

If taking that pill would make me straight

…..And famous

…..And wealthy

…..And talented

…..And adored

…..And beautiful

…..And thin

……….I would not take it.

……….I would not take it.

……….I. Would. Not. Take. It.

I would never take a pill that would make me straight because

……….I love being who I am

……….I love being whole and free

……….I love seeing the world from where I stand

……….I love knowing God from this place

……….I love feeling passion burning in me for equality

……….I love being part of a people who are courageous and relentless

……….I love being one in Spirit with every queer youth

…………..With every gay man and woman

……………With every bisexual man and woman

…………..With every transman and transwoman

……………With every ally and friend

……………With everyone who questions, doubts and searches

……….And I love being one in Spirit with you

……………Bound in hope, and faith, and love

……………Bound in God

If there was a pill I could take that would make you straight

………..And taking that pill would end all your confusion and anxiety

……….And remove your fear that God has rejected you

……………I would not take that pill even for you.

You are gay.

…..You are not wrong.

…..…..You are not sinful.

…..…..…..You are not evil or perverted.

…..…….…..…You are not unworthy.

…..…..…..…..…..You are not a mistake.

…..…..…..…..…..…..You are not to be ashamed.

You are gay.

…..God loves you.

…..…..God holds you.

…..…..…..God stands with you.

…..…..…..…..God delights in you.

…..…..…..…..…..God calls you “My own.”

If there was a pill that could make me straight

…..And make you straight

…..And you

…..And you

…..And you

……….I would not take it.

……….I would not take it.

……….I. Would. Not. Take. It.