Pardon me for being close-minded. But how come there are so many males with Lesbian

interests on this site? Better yet, how come males tend to inundate the lesbian chatrooms and

chat sites I’ve been to lately? Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against the hairy creatures. I

just can’t seem to fathom why one would give chase to something one cannot have. I signed up

for this virtual reality site back In April after I left the ball scene. Even on this site you’ll

encounter men pretending to be females just to hang around lesbians. I think it’s sickening only

because they’re so deceptive. On the upside the site has been interesting to say the least and

even poses the possibility of an addiction developing. My schedule was freed up because I was no

longer running an organization and had more time to focus on my career and perhaps other

activities. It’s been 2 long years and I was never really able to have a stable relationship – mainly

because I didn’t really have the time to devote to them. In hindsight, most relationships have

been quite a disappointment. So much so, that I’ve spent the last couple of months not really

feeling anything but uncomfortable in my own skin. I’ve probably said and done some things I’m

not proud of but that was only after developing the mindset “this is how the world turns”

So I’m talking to Aquafina tonight, asking her what she’s like when she’s on her flow. She’s a

genuine sweetheart most of the time so I figured she had to be a terror when she was on her

flow. She told me she’s very emotional and very sensitive which is not typically the norm. She

told me that she doesn’t cry unless it’s just that time of the month and her hormones are raging.

She’d made a promise to herself not to let anything or anyone make her cry. I guess it worked.

She can’t cry now. I asked her why that is. She says it’s coz she’s probably tired. I feel exactly

the same way. So many things have happened in my life that have devastated me at some point

or caught me off guard. I tend to put folks up on pedestals too fast and then when they fall I’m

the one left with the disappointment and the heartache. It happened so much that now I just

don’t even care anymore. It’s like I’m halfway expecting people to disappoint me.

So Lately I started trying this new approach which would allow me to look at situations from alternative perspectives. Only because this would allow me to keep an open mind. I’ve found myself questioning motives in the past and now my experiment involves the upbringing.

Work Flow

We were at her house the day after my birthday. I took a shower. She took a shower.

She sits on the edge of the bed massaging warm vanilla sugar into her skin.

 I volunteer my services.

 I start massaging the lotion in

Working my way down her arms. 

Down to her Legs

I’m rubbing her legs with lotions and she’s giving me pointers

Telling me I’ve missed spots. So I go back to these key areas to apply

More warm vanilla.

Then she points to the insides of her thighs.


I chuckle to myself because I’ve already rubbed her thighs with lotion.


So I go back to her Inner thighs.

And I work my way up to the apex where her thighs meet

And I start to massage the lotion in.


As I’m rubbing it in she starts to moan softly.

So I rub a little closer.

The closer I get the louder the moan.

So One thing leads to another

And I’m teasing her clit through her boy shorts

And she’s like baby “why are you tickling me”

I Laugh but continue.

Until at some point I’m sliding my finger inside her

And I can feel her wetness and warmth surrounding me

And at this point I feel my own wetness trickling down

And this throbbing sensation between my thighs.

So I continue to slide my finger inside.

And as I’m sliding it in, her walls expand and contract to guide me down the passageway.

Whilst they’re expanding and contracting, she’s moaning.

So I lean forward.

Put my lips to her clit

Wrap my lips around it

And I start sucking

And occupying the same space with my

Tongue and my finger

And sucking.

And then she Cums

Histrionics & Such….

Dear Diary,


Tonight was hella crazy. I could feel my heartbeat racing (maybe it was just the latte). My Aquafina flow called me today hysterical near tears. I say “baby calm down. What’s the matta!??” She tells me it’s her granny, her sweet ole granny. Her momma called n said “sweetie, granny done shitted on herself and she’s mumbling some crazy shit”. So My Aquafina having the back ground she’s had in HHA, immediately begins to recognize the signs of Stroke. See she’s seen people die from stroke simply because immediate attention was not given. She’s tellin them (her mom n granddad) to call 911.

Grandpa insists he wants someone to come by n clean her up first. So they go thru this shoutin match on the phone about how they need to call 911. Then she calls me, and she’s hysterical. I told her to call 911 even if her mom n grandpa were stubborn. She hangs up to call. So as you can gather I’m a nervous wreck coz I don’t know what’s going on and the whole situation starts to make me think of my own Grandmother who I’ll be calling tomorrow coz it’s the Unholy hour at night and I know she’s asleep.


So I stick around in Starbucks waiting to hear from her. I stayed until Starbucks closed. She sends me a text while I’m driving saying they’re conducting x-rays but Grandma is still disoriented. I got all kindsa questions flowing thru my mind. Wondering if she’s gonna be okay. Is it in fact a stroke? If it is, did they catch it in time? Has TPA been administered? Why are we wasting time on xrays when we should be doing cat scans? Then when I get in the house she calls me and tells me that her grandmother seems to have overdosed on Ambien which would explain the disorientation. Apparently she took 6 Ambien and another prescription Med. So my Aquafina’s a nervous wreck, as am I. But I’m relieved that the symptoms weren’t that of a stroke. I haven’t even had the pleasure of meeting her granny yet and I would love to meet her.

Real Nukkas and Bitch Nukkas

So I was gonna talk about sex today but decided against it. There are too many little disturbing things going on here. Like my employee altering records to gain commission credit. Not hot dude. Then of course assuming she was the Manager when the new girl came in and attempting to train her when I hadn’t even arrived. Are we a little uppity here?


I know that 99% of the time I push folks away. I thought maybe I could control it but it seems I can’t. I could really use some spiritual guidance right now.

Sex and the City

I don’t know if it was the Sex and The City DVD or seeing a photo of my nephew and my new born niece, but I decided I wanted a taste of normalcy in my life. These 2 things gave me a different perspective of the world as is. Everyday I read little blurbs on msn about the economy, the war on terror and our upcoming election and everyday it depresses me. I know the world will never be what it was ten years ago, but seeing that photo and watching that movie reminded me so much of the simple things. The God-Given things that we take for granted. And I remember almost 10 years ago – My 19th Birthday – wanting a marriage, a career, and a boy and a girl. I have one, I’m missing 3 and just 2 days ago I received an email about my High School Reunion. Shit has it been 10 years? Life isn’t always on schedule but as long as we wake up breathing there’s always an opportunity to catch up. So here it is; the tortoise wins the race.

Fairy Tales Come True

What’s the point of having a relationship when more often than not you feel so alone. Sometimes you feel as iff you’re grabbing on to one last straw to keep it going. despite your efforts it steadily continues to fade to black. It’s so lonely and it hurts so much and you wonder what have you done in your past that might warrant this experience. The only thing warm around here lately are the tear stains. And i guess it hurts even more to know (or to feel) that the feeling isn’t mutual. I call myself facing the music when confronted with the prospect. I wall myself up and hope for the best. I hope that solace will numb my heart and that I won’t ever feel pain again.

King Midas in Reverse

Everything you touch turns to shit. 

  I  want to pack my comforter in the back seat of my car and drive down to the beach.   I wanna snuggle up there and go to sleep.   I’m afraid to close my eyes.  .   I never wanted this.    I don’t know how this happened.   Everybody thinks they have the answers to your problems. but no one does.   I don’t really feel much.  .  It’s just so dark here.   I can’t feel myself.   I can’t feel the blood coursing thru my veins.   I don’t feel pain.   I’m  afraid of the images behind the lids.    so I can’t sleep.  can’t focus.   can’t work.   can’t run my hamsters wheel.  can’t chase the cheese.                can’t resume the normal routine of mediocrity.  can’t go back to pretending anyone gives a shyt.   coz the truth is out there.  We’d like to believe that the world cares coz it’s the only thing that keeps us alive.   The only thing that allows us to wake up in the morning and continue  (obliviously) with all activities.   But it’s bullshit and deep down inside you know it.   I know it.    We all know it.   so why the effrontery?  why hold on to some semblance of a fairy tale?   what’s the point?   please don’t give me that crock a shyt “i’m here for you”, “i luv you”. “if you need a friend, call me”   oh and  the infamous “people care”  propaganda.   I can’t hear you. I’m deaf to it.    oh then there’s the “whatever hurt you, you can get thru it” .   how the fuck do you know something hurt me?   how do you know I wasn’t born this way?