That being the case, ladies what would you do if your man just acted like he didn’t’ give a f#@k? If you’re talking to him about the status of your relationship that he admittedly says he cherishes, and he falls asleep how would you handle that? Do you flip the light switch? Do you just take a mental hiatus? Spend time with self? Get the f%^k-em Dress on and do your Single ladies dance? What is it that you do to take the edge off? short of having an affair. Sleeping with someone else isn’t gone make you feel better. yes I know your shaking your head and saying “leave him” but like that dog sitting on that nail I guess I jus ain’ hurtin enough. I decided to leave him without leaving him. I’m taking a little hiatus all by my lonesome. Call it a spiritual journey if you will. He will miss me and I will miss him but I figure it’s the best way to clear my mind. And maybe when I come back I’ll decide there’s something better out there for me (and perhaps pigs will fly).
Pigs are flying because, I’ve left him and decided to follow God. You know when you’re so smitten you tend to make that one person your whole world? Well God is a Jealous God and we all remember that commandment right?
3Thou shalt have no other gods before me. (Exodus 20:3, King James Version)
This is me. A crazy eclectic opinionated smart mouth chica born in Jamaica, Raised in New York. Living –and so desperately trying to escape the ills of suburban living– in Connecticut.
Maybe I’m no longer trying to escape the ills. Ct is my safety net until the walls come tumbling down. I’m still here trying to keep this house afloat when I’d much rather keep a room afloat or an apartment afloat. My bro lives here with his son on a part time basis and the tenants are moving out. We’re down to 2 now.
but I’m just not in the mood to deal with the different personalities. I’m never in the mood for that and I suppose that makes me a Grinch. I’ve been praying about it though. Because I know I’m mean and unapproachable. I’ve been praying for God to make a change in me. I have faith that he will, but at times i fear the worst because I’ve invested so much time in being a jerk. It’s just my way of foregoing rejection and/or ridicule
I bring you FRANKENMEESH the monster I created who now I need Gods help to tear down.
I’ve been having this Internal Struggle for the past week or so. I want nothing more than to do what is right and pleasing in the sight of the Lord. But there is a struggle going on within me. I’d been perplexed all week wondering how to solve this issue and here it was the answer was right in front of me. This, in and of itself is proof that God knows our hearts and though sometimes we find ourselves inarticulate (as I have), he truly knows what is heavy on our minds. So this entire week Ephesians chapter 6 has been standing out to me. In my daily sojourn I’ve come across that particular chapter and verse 12. But I never quite knew how to apply it to my present situation. So I asked God in earnest to reveal the answers I needed through the Holy Spirit and he told me to continue reading my bible and continue praying. Well tonight I decided to start an entry blogging about the very thing that’s been troubling me all week. See My faith hasn’t been as strong as it used to be when I was 17 years old. 14 years have since passed and I’ve seen so much. Maybe not as much as other people. But I’ve seen and experienced so many things that I’ve become cynical. There are 2 halves at war within me. One half would like to believe in simple miracles. The other half that’s puffed up with pride would like to explain them away. So there you have it my struggle between Faith and worldly skepticism. Yet I didn’t quite know how to approach this struggle until I read Ephesians 6:10 – 18:
10Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 11Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; 15And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. 17And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 18Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
It seems as if I’ve tested God each day by asking for an answer to the questions in my mind. Asking for answers to prove that he’s really there for me and that he really cares despite how unworthy I am. And once again he has proven himself to me which lets me know that I should never ever doubt God.
Every day lately, I’ve been wondering if I’m doing what’s right in the sight of the Lord. Sometimes he reveals to me a sign that I’m on the right path. On other occasions, it’s like i’m totally clueless. For me I guess what i’m looking to regain is that childlike faith I used to have. I mean I believe that God will answer my prayers don’t get me wrong. But I guess I tend to rush him. We all know that’s not right because he works in his own timing and though we might think he’s supposed to answer us immediately, his timing is usually perfect. I remember now that there are often times at which he works his wonders and I am mystified as to how everything unfolds. I think that maybe I take that for granted sometimes and that what I should realize, is that I could never do this on my own. My week hasn’t been that great, but I would think it has to do with me lying last week. I’ve been taught a lesson that “what ye reap, ye shall sow”. And now that I’ve been debased (once again) , I’m just getting back on that spiritual bicycle to ride again. What I need to ask God is ” in the face of these trials, what should I be doing different?”
Bridle my tongue let my words edify,
let the words of my mouth be acceptable in Thy sight,
take charge of my thoughts both day and night;
order my steps in Your word,
please order my steps in Your word.
Here i was behind the steering wheel not realizing that I’d just experienced a tornado. I decided to go to the zoo today and then to Borders in Milford to pick up a book. As I left the Beardsley Zoo I noticed the sky getting dark. I assumed it was just a typical thunderstorm. A lil thunder,a lil lightening here n there. But when I got to exit 32 on I-95 going south, the scenery changed. I tried to take the local routes because there was an accident and delay for abut 4 miles up to exit 27. It took me an hour to get to work when it normally would take me at most, 30 minutes. Trees were down everywhere especially on the connecting street off which I lived. Kolbe Cathedral High School Lost it’s roof. Cars had windows bashed in. Folks personal effects were scattered all over the street. But the most amazing thing about it was that I remembered getting up this morning (well afternoon), getting down on my knees and asking God to guide my steps and those of my loved ones. When i was finally able to get off work and check my house for damages I notice that that entire section of East Main Street on which I lived, was virtually untouched. Now tell me that’s not a Miracle and proof that God is listening and watching over us!! I remember praying in earnest that no harm befell my brother and/or my home and sure enough. Everything remained untouched. But look a the rest of the City:
God is an All Powerful Wondrous and Amazing God. My faith in him has fully been restored. I know now as I’ve always known that he hears my prayers and he heeds my cries and there are no words for the gratitude and the fear I have for my God. I remember faithfully getting on my knees and praying asking the Lord to Order my steps in his word on June 24th 2010. I remember praying for his blessings for me and My family. Little did I know that A storm was brewing. Little did I know that a Tornado with 75mph winds was to Target Bridgeport connecticut. And what has me in awe is that a section of my immediate vicinity suffered the most damage. If you’ve looked the pictures in my previous post, you’ll know just how close to it my home was. I came home to check the house and even the rickety old basketball hoop that had been erected for my Nephew years ago was still standing. Trees were still standing. If Our God is not an Awesome God, I do not know who is but after seeing the devastation surrounding me and perusing my house and noticing that nothing was touched, I had to lift him up in praise. I had to thank him over and over till the tears flooded my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. I am truly taken aback and amazed and filled with awe. Because I know that God has been watching out for me and I know that he’s there even in my loneliest most dejected hour and there are no words. NO NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW AMAZED I AM AT THE POWER OF GOD. HE IS TRULY WONDERFUL
My Daily Bread
We tend to search for our happiness and comfort in everything but the Lord. Some resort to Alcohol. Some to Drugs. Some to any other man-made kind of addiction or ism they can find. I know because I’m guilty of it myself. What ails society is that we tend to look everywhere else for our cure-all. Everywhere but with God. What I came to find out was that, none of it compares to the feeling of peace and calm God gives you when you lay your burdens on him. It’s one of the most remarkable things about God. How he can immediately give you comfort to ease your pain when no amount of e-pills, incredible hulk or hennessy can help you. We tend to do these things due to lack of faith in our Almighty God. We operate on a WYSIWYG basis and forget that…
1Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1, King James Version)
knows that he knows nothing at all. I’ve made it my business to record all my life’s lessons from here on out. That way I can refer back to this blog when I’m in a difficult situation. These aren’t just life lessons but lessons taught to us by the Holy Spirit. So today I was reading ODB and there were some verses quoted from the Beatitudes.
Matthew 5:1-12 (New International Version)
1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:
3″Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11″Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
How I applied it to my life can be summed up in the title and first sentence of this post. It is my belief that one should take a humble approach to all things and there is where the most knowledge is gained. And it isn’t just knowledge to be gained. But a growth in character.
Like the passage said in ODB:
People who are rich, successful, and beautiful may go through life relying on their natural gifts. But people who are needy, dependent, and dissatisfied with life are more likely to welcome God’s free gift of love.
if given to our own predilections, we tend to “pull rank” more often than not. I too am guilty of harboring an elitist mentality. maybe because It’s my way of being comfortable with self. But there is one thing that I need to be reminded of; and that is we are all here to serve a divine purpose. It hasn’t so much to do with our own wills and objectives. But it has to do with the will of our Father in heaven. We may not all be at the same level of learning in life. Our learning curves may differ. However, it does not make one lesser than the other. Because we are all meant to work together as a whole. The Body of Christ
Romans 12:2-10 (New International Version)
2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his[a]faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
I have been praying for Forgiveness for oh so long. I could not for the life of me Fathom how God could forgive me for my multitude of sins. Sometimes i’d think my sins were so numerous that i’d be twice removed from his grace. Then today I was referred to this verse as i was reading the back of this book and it brought tears to my eyes reminding me that God’s mercy is nothing like ours and that he has the capacity to forgive us of our sins and wrong doings if we are truly contrite.
Psalm 103 (New International Version)
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
I kept reading this book and he kept answering my questions and renewing my faith in him. Every single question I had in my heart he answered and that just let me know that I was not alone.