Faith

I have been praying for Forgiveness for oh so long. I could not for the life of me Fathom how God could forgive me for my multitude of sins. Sometimes i’d think my sins were so numerous that i’d be twice removed from his grace. Then today I was referred to this verse as i was reading the back of this book and it brought tears to my eyes reminding me that God’s mercy is nothing like ours and that he has the capacity to forgive us of our sins and wrong doings if we are truly contrite.

Psalm 103 (New International Version)

Psalm 103
Of David.
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

I kept reading this book and he kept answering my questions and renewing my faith in him. Every single question I had in my heart he answered and that just let me know that I was not alone.

Infatuation or the Real McCoy

I’m 30 years old.  I’ve been through a lot and experienced alot so I tend to be good at reading people.  Body language, mannerisms and overall swag.   So i’m here chuckling to myself as I’m reading blogs.   I ran across 2 individuals with the same topic and the same style of writing for that particular topic.   Now i’m laughing because It’s so obvious to me that they’ve got this thing going on.   Yet, they swear everyone else is clueless.   But it’s funny that both posted topics about sex and both started asking questions about how soon is too soon to start digging someone.   

 

Anyway this blog is not about that.   I was reading a blog about sex and the lack thereof and it broached a few questions in my mind.    If one has been celibate for quite sometime and decides to put oneself on the market, does this  in fact impair ones judgement when it comes to finding miss right?   You know how  some lesbians are always falling in love at first sight?  Is it possible that they compromise their standards because it’s been a long time since physical companionship?  Or does celibacy clear the mind?  Does it allow you to think straight and look at things from new perspectives?   I only ask this because as a self-proclaimed serial monogamist, I’ve had one too many encounters where i swore she was the one then after the physical attraction wore off and the A.D.D. set in things changed.    Could it be I was overcome by lust and confused it with Love?

This Little Rainbow Clique

The older I get the more I have this disdain for surrounding myself with only LGBT individuals.   I know that sounds crazy but let me explain why. 

I’ve been on this scene for perhaps 8 years or so and I’m pretty much able to predict the actions of my gay/ lesbian counterparts.   So much so that it really doesn’t add any mystery to the situation.    Being of sound Sagittarian mind and body, it is in my nature to want to experience new things and to learn and grow spiritually.   I’m not finding that by only associating with one specific group in society.   I think that as a lesbian the objective should be to be accepted in society as an equal.   So I don’t really go out of my way to separate myself or ostracize myself from the heteros.   There are no rainbow decals all over my windshield or bumper nor do I wear these bright ass colors to work on a daily basis.   The fact that I am gay,does not make me any more special than the next individual.     So why is it that I feel as if we’ve created our own secret society and no one else is allowed in  (not even the bi’s)?

Which broaches an additional topic.   How is it that lesbians struggle so much for equality yet I’ve had the displeasure of encountering so many who do not like bi-sexuals?   How are we to ask for the very same rights that we deny others?   It seems totally asinine to me.   

Synopsis

I haven’t been here in awhile so I’m gonna catch you up on a quick brief synopsis. My Ballroom life is now null and void. I’ve had many a fond memory including a few bad ones. But now I’ve entered the next stage of my life. I’m a budding workaholic. I even had a girlfriend until January when she cheated on me. It was one of those textbook situations where, you meet a damsel-in-distress and you want to ride off with her into the sunset. Unfortunately that’s a fairytale. In the urban forest, a damsel in distress couldn’t recognize a prince (or princess) charming if he (or she) hit her in the face with a nine iron. Maybe I have a fucked up perspective of women who’ve previously been abused. But as past experience would have it, they tend to dish out the abuse as well. Needless to say she’s gone and I’m back to working my ass off and stressing about my career.

 

I’m a computer geek by nature (we get no love) and I’ve spent so much time at work and at home “working”, that I’ve now found it necessary to resume the hobbies of yesteryear. I got a not-so-new Nikon d50 off Ebay and now I’m going photo crazy. Anyway it’s 3 am here and I have to be up for work in the morning so I’ll update you folks later.