After giving it much thought, I’ve found that every time I record my thoughts or problems in this blog that I receive enlightenment from God himself. It is a sort of comforting revelation. But, what I’ve come to discuss today is my on going struggle. It is one of the strongholds I have yet to overcome and I’m finding that it is a hindrance to my spiritual growth. This struggle is my struggle with pride and conceit. I can’t say that I know where and when it began but I do know that I’d like to put an end to it. It’s as if I have too much pride to approach certain tasks. Too proud to listen to what others have to say. Too proud to accept sound criticism from the Lord. I’ve created a monster of an elitist mentality and now it’s like trying to stop Godzilla from wreaking havoc on my psyche. I have at times been too proud to even humble myself before God and ask for his help. And even now as I make this confession I’m appalled by my own actions. Where do I come off thinking I’m too good? I’m no better than anyone else out there. Just another tiresome soul looking for her lot in life. I know I need him every step of the way. I know that I need his blessings in whatever I should do. But I find myself reverting back to my own understanding (as if to say my word is Law) In keeping my own esteem of self I fear approaching others in the event I may be rejected or in the event they might “see right through me”. Now here’s where God works his miracle in my life. Because as I’m writing this passage the scripture from :
Proverbs 3:5 (New International Version)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
comes to mind. It’s like that Nike commercial. I just have to “Do It”.