I’ve been battling anxiety, and I haven’t been keeping you posted. 2021 has been nerve-wracking. Overall, I’m frustrated and failing miserably at hiding it. I’m looking to build new friendships with people outside my bubble, but it’s been very taxing. As a result, I want to retreat within myself and blink out of existence for several milliseconds. Is that too much to ask? Just a tiny, minuscule vacation of the mind. So to combat it, I spend countless days binge drinking and nursing regrets. When I’m not doing that, I’m outside people-watching. Jealously living vicariously through them.
My doctors have been pissing me off too. I had to switch OBs earlier in the year because I couldn’t get a call back to save my life. It almost feels like a part-time job. Only, instead of making money, I’m spending money. Medical bills are increasing just for me to play phone tag. I was given a prescription for lupron that isn’t covered by insurance – well, it is covered but requires preauthorization or precertification. Long story short, I’m calling weekly to get a nurse to pick up a fax. No one calls back (I’ve been getting voicemail), and I have to stay on top of them. What exactly am I paying for?
At least my health is stable for now, I’ve regained my appetite, and I’m keeping food down. In keeping with this regimen for battling anxiety, I started daily walks (as much as the weather will allow). Consequently, it helps to lift my spirits. I’ve also picked up the Nikon again, and now I’m going on photography jaunts with my bro to see the world. While I am jealous of people living life, I’m also grateful for the privilege of being a fly on the wall — however short-lived it is. Slainte!